Women's Ministries Article

I was asked to write an article for the Women's Ministries newsletter. They said they hadn't had anything about being single in the past few newsletters so they would like to do a little "highlight" about being single this month. So...here's what I wrote. I thought I'd share it with you (partly because some of you were very influential in the lessons I learned). Hope you enjoy!

Lessons Learned
By: Michelle Park

When I was first asked to write this article, I was hesitant. I wasn’t sure what to say or how to say it, but then I began to reflect on my life as a single adult and the lessons I’ve learned along the way. That led me to this article.

Over the past years, I’ve come to realize how couple-oriented our society is. I’ve also been more aware of the fact God made us with a desire to share our lives with someone. In Genesis 2:18, it says, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him." I have clung to this verse as well as Jeremiah 29:11 (“For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future”) knowing that God has a plan and purpose for my life. In the meantime, I don’t believe He wants me to just sit around and wait for that plan to be revealed to me. So…that’s where the learning has taken place – in the times when I’d like to sit around and wait but have had to follow God instead.

Keep in mind that this is what I’ve learned from my life experiences. Every single person may not experience the exact same things I’ve experienced, but it is my hope that the lessons I’ve learned over the years may be of some help to you. If nothing more…I hope it reassures you – you are not alone in this life!

Lesson #1 – Pray!

While this seems like such a simple lesson, it’s one that has taken probably the longest for me to learn. I’ve always prayed, but my prayers were usually for friends and family. I always felt like I shouldn’t pray for myself – like that was being selfish. God already knew the desires of my heart and what I wanted…He didn’t need me to say them again.

How untrue! While at a SoloCon retreat, I was talking with the speaker. He challenged me to be bold where God was concerned. He said God wanted me to trust Him enough to tell Him the desires of my heart (he talked about verses found in Psalm 37).

It was a little tough in the beginning, but the more I did it the more I saw God working in my life. I also found myself growing closer to God, because as in any earthly relationship, the more vulnerable I became – the more I opened myself up to Him – the closer we became.

Lesson #2 – 3rd Wheels

Good things come in threes – the wheels on a tricycle, the sides of a triangle, strikes in a softball game…the list goes on and on. This was a challenging lesson for me, but God truly helped me. When I became willing to be the “third wheel”, I met some great people who opened their homes and lives to me. For me, being with people is much more fun than sitting at home alone. So…I had to step out and be willing to be the third person, but it’s definitely been worth it!

Lesson #3 – Limitations

Dinner for one? Going to the movies alone? Taking a vacation by yourself? These are all things that most people would say are ridiculous, but as a single person, I’ve learned to not be “normal”. Is it uncomfortable at times? Of course! But…I’d rather enjoy life than sit at home and feel sorry for myself.

Now I must admit that I was a bit forced into this one when my first teaching job found me moving to Souderton, Pennsylvania (over 10 hours from family and friends). At that point, I either had to start doing things alone or stay in my house so I began by having dinner out. I still remember the first time I did this. I was so uncomfortable and felt like people were looking at me, but I realized that it was all in my mind. Dinner by myself was a great stepping stone into a world of endless possibilities.

Lesson #4 – Believe in Yourself

Cindy, a dear friend from SoloCon, once told me that she hoped God would surround me with people who would let me know how beautiful I was. I nearly laughed at her! This seemed like such a silly thing to me, but over the next year, people began to tell me how pretty I was. It seemed to start with people I knew, but it quickly spread to people I passed in a store or at school. I was amazed!

Until this point, I didn’t realize how low my self-esteem had gone. I had started to feel like I was single because of the way I looked. It’s amazing what we can do to ourselves – the negative self-talk can be so damaging! Cindy had realized this, and her simple prayer opened my eyes.

Over the past four years, I’ve grown to love myself, and in the process, I’ve met some amazing people God placed in my life to help me grow. Ladies, please take my advice…we are all “wonderfully made”. Believe in yourself and the gifts God has given you!

Lesson #5 – Take Risks

Easier said than done, but you’ll never come to know the possibilities if you don’t take risks. This journey we are on has bumps, even mountains, at times, but you’ll never get to experience what’s on the other side if you stop climbing. God has great things planned for us, but we must be willing to trust Him.