Emotional Evening

What a night! It all started earlier this evening while I was at the chiropractor's office and then ended with me having a bit of a meltdown. But...thankfully Traci & I had planned to have supper together, and she listened to me after my meltdown and offered words of advice/encouragement. I'm better now! :-) But...it was a night!Here's the story...

When Matt & I began dating, I downloaded the song "You Had Me From Hello" for his ringer. Their home phone number was unlisted so it would only ring "his tone" when he called from his cell phone or from work. He was the only restricted number that called me, so in an attempt to be cute (and to hear "his song" more often), I set my ringer for restricted calls to "his song". Well...with that being said...as I was at the chiropractor's today, "his song" started playing. I haven't heard it since the day he called to break up with me, and I was not prepared for what it did to me.

No...Matt did not call! It was someone who used to attend our church that happened to be calling from a restricted number. You guessed it...when Matt & I broke up, I went into my phone & set his ringer to the default song (which happens to be the OSU fight song). I even deleted his speed dial info, but I never changed my restricted call ringer. And, boy, did that ever shake me up!

On top of that, I also have been a bit emotional about my high school reunion that's tomorrow night. It's been 15 years since I've graduated, but the memories still haunt me at times. I went to a very small high school (I believe my graduating class was 88 people) so everyone knew everyone. This was either really good or really bad. In my case, it was really bad. I have some very good high school memories, but most of those include people who were either older or younger than me.

I was really only close with a couple of people in my class. The majority of my classmates teased & taunted me about being overweight & so tall. My fellow classmates would take bets on how long it would take me to eat my lunch and would then sit at the end of my table making rude comments. These same people would act as though the ground was shaking when I walked by or when we played a game in gym that required me to run. They would also get guys to pretend they liked me, and then make a big joke of it. It seemed as though they were always making fun of me...no matter what I did. I really hated high school!

Looking back I realize that they continued to tease & taunt me because I allowed them to walk all over me. I never once stood up for myself! But...back then I had no self-confidence and really didn't like myself. I also didn't have the courage to stand up to them.

As I think about tomorrow's reunion, I'm reminded of the memories and am very nervous about seeing these people for the first time since high school, but I also know this is something I need to do. I feel like I need to go to show them and myself who I've become. Today I'm a better person, and I like who I've become. I think I've accomplished a lot, and I have a lot to offer to other people if they'll accept me for who I am. I am courageous, beautiful, adventurous, and just an all around fun girl.

So...I guess that sums up my emotional evening. I just finished talking with my friend, Ralph. With his & Traci's advice and words of encouragement, I'm feeling a little better, but if you read this before Saturday evening, I would really appreciate your prayers. My hope is that I can go to the reunion and be myself...whether they like me or not. I am who I am because God made me this way. And...I'm okay with that! Thanks for listening!