An Emotional Mess...

I decided to try & blog because I am so filled with emotions right now that I can't process everything. I really want to just curl up and have a good cry, but I can't even seem to do that.

I had a couple of conversations with people today that broke my heart. Those of you who know me well know that I'm a very sensitive person...I wear my heart on my sleeve some may say. That's not always a bad thing, but it often leads to heartbreak & hurt feelings.

On top of all this, I also tend to analyze things too much (I'm totally opening up to you at this point...letting you know some of my faults...but I figure for most of you it's not anything you didn't already know). So...these two things combined have left me pondering my life this afternoon.

Did I find the answers? Nope! But...I do know one thing...Matt is the man that I want to spend the rest of my life with. Will we be rich & famous? Heavens no! But...we love each other and we love God. Those are the two most important things in any relationship!

By the way....

I really like Matt! :-) (That's all...just wanted to make sure I told you!) LOL!

Overwhelmed!

Have I mentioned lately how much I care for Matt? :-) Who cares! I'm going to tell you again!

The past few days have been amazing! I've been doing a lot of thinking lately about the path Matt & I are taking and where it appears to be headed. However, when I try to think it through and become analytical (which my dad says I do too much of), I feel so overwhelmed...in a good way. I have such a hard time grasping & comprehending all that's happened this month. If someone would have told me I would feel this way about someone 5 weeks ago, I would have laughed at them. It seems impossible, but I'm here to tell you it's not impossible.

Over the past four weeks, I've grown to care for Matt more than I thought possible. When he's not here, I miss him, and I'm constantly thinking about him. And...he's experiencing the same "problem". :-) He calls me from work just because he's thinking about me. He told me tonight that he's telling everyone about me because he wants them to know how much he cares for me. I couldn't have dreamed this would happen!

So...in case you didn't know it...I really like Matt! He's a keeper! :-)

Tonight's Big Purchase

The time has come for me to say goodbye to an old "friend". I've been trying to hang on - didn't want to lose him, but...there's nothing I can do now. His time has come...he's seen his better day.

Okay...don't be sad! I'm just talking about my antique TV! :-) This thing has seriously been in our family nearly 20 years! For the past couple of years, it been on its last leg. At first the picture wasn't very clear and the color would go, but then that progressed into random occurrences of a green screen. I quickly learned that if I tapped the floor, the picture would go back to normal. That was easy enough. Many thought I was silly at this point not to get another TV, but I kind of had a bond with this one. And besides...it was still working (most of the time).

Well...the days of random green screens soon passed which led to entire green screens that would stay for several minutes. The tap on the floor turned into a pound (or two...maybe three) on the floor (I'm sure my landlady that lives downstairs appreciated that). :-) However, over the course of the past couple of months, the pounding quit working. The only way to get the picture back was to go up to the TV and beat on the top & sides of it. Eventually it would come back on...sometime quickly & other times after I nearly bruised my hand.

So...today I took the big step (along with the help of Matt) and bought a new TV. I went from a 19'' antique (remember the green screens) to a 27'' flat screen! I was nearly in shock! :-) It looks very nice in my room.

There was only one slight problem though. The TV was big enough that it wouldn't fit in my entertainment center (which I must say was still in good condition - even though I've had it for over 9 years). :-) So...I not only had to get rid of my TV, but I also had to get rid of my entertainment center. I may need to get some grief counseling! :-)

Matt...

There's so much to be said about him, but I don't want to bore you all to death. So...I'll just tell you that things are going well...really well! Each day I spend with him is better than the last. I'm really enjoying getting to know him more, and I really enjoy the feelings I get when we're together (my stomach & heart do crazy things). I don't know specifically what God has in planned, but I really like the direction my life has taken! :-)

The Lesson I Learned This Week

This week I had the opportunity to hang out with the Waal girls who happen to be two of the sweetest girls I've met. Their parent were out of town so I stayed with them but had no idea how my life would change this week.

The first day was fun because the weather was nice so we went to the park. I walked while they rode their bikes. After we were done, we went for pizza and then played games. It was a great evening. The only thing was that it took me over 30 mins. to finally get them to bed. Bethany cracked me up on Wednesday night when she told me that if I was going to have children I needed to know that that's how kids are - they will do anything to stay up later. She told me that I needed to be more mean. :-)

Wednesday was much crazier! After school, I had a piano lesson to teach and then it was off to their house. Kailey & I played one quick game, and then I made supper. We ate and were off...we had to be to church around 5:30 to get ready for the evening. After choir practice, I had praise team practice so Kailey came in to wait for me. Finally at 8:15 I told Thom I had to leave because we still had homework to finish & a test to study for. And...they were supposed to be in bed by 9:00! AHHH! Matt had also called & left a message on my cell phone. So...I got Kailey & we headed for home. On the way home, I called Matt to see if he'd call back after 9:00. Kailey & I finished her last question for homework & studied for the test. She also needed me to look over her homework, but it was already 8:50 so I sent them off to bed and told her I'd look over it later. I finished cleaning up from supper in time to talk to Matt. We got off the phone around 9:45, but I wasn't able to go to bed until midnight. By the time I checked Kailey's homework and did the work I needed to do for school (on top of everything, my computer crashed at school so it's being repaired - I have no computer or access to the internet which means I had to do things in the evening), I could barely keep my eyes open. It was a short night! :-)

Thursday was our last day together so I wanted it to be fun for the girls. After piano lessons (which I teach them), we had supper & then went for ice cream. When we got home, we played a couple of games, and then I had to make some phone calls for my cell group. Next thing I know, it's 8:20, and Bethany told me I needed to make her go to bed at 8:30. Where did the night go? It's crazy how the time flies!

So...I left Rhonda a note this morning saying that I've always known being a mom is hard work, but now I understand that being a mom is hard work. And...I didn't even have to do everything a mom does. I was just a temporary fill in. Moms who are reading this...you are all my heroes! :-)

A Great Guy!

I just want to put down in writing how great I think Matt is! We had a talk tonight, and I really appreciate what he had to say. My respect for him has grown considerably! :-)

My Sister, Marsha, & Her Family (including my niece who's due in July)

Marsha, Jerry, & Harrison

(I've also pointed out Abigail in case you didn't see her.) LOL!

The Biltmore Estate

This is the "house" (I use that term loosely) that mom

& I went to tour in Asheville, North Carolina. With our tickets,

we were able to tour 60 rooms (it was an additional $15 to see

the "special" rooms - we figured 60 was enough).

Easter Egg Hunt

Harrison (my nephew) & I after the Easter Egg Hunt

(notice the sun shining - I was in Charlotte, NC)

Glove Trauma - The Final Chapter (I Hope!)

***So...if you've followed my stories from the beginning, you know the trauma I've had this winter with buying new gloves. If you haven't read the previous stories, you should probably go back & read them or this won't make much sense.***

I was looking at my previous posts and relized I hadn't updated you all on the final part of the glove trauma. So...here it is!

I returned to K-Mart a week after discovering the hole in my new gloves (I was too frustrated to do it the next day so I just wore my red OSU gloves & didn't care what they looked like with my coat). I was able to return the "damaged" gloves and exchange them for a new set. The brown sets were no longer available so I had to go with black, but it'll do. I just want warm hands. Know what I think? It's too cold to care about matching! :-)

I've included two photos for your viewing enjoyment. The first photo is of the "new" glove that had the hole (pay close attention to the right side of my middle finger), and the second photo is of my gloves I currently wear (and by the way...why am I still having to wear gloves in April? This weather really stinks!). Hope you enjoy!

Women's Ministries Article

I was asked to write an article for the Women's Ministries newsletter. They said they hadn't had anything about being single in the past few newsletters so they would like to do a little "highlight" about being single this month. So...here's what I wrote. I thought I'd share it with you (partly because some of you were very influential in the lessons I learned). Hope you enjoy!

Lessons Learned
By: Michelle Park

When I was first asked to write this article, I was hesitant. I wasn’t sure what to say or how to say it, but then I began to reflect on my life as a single adult and the lessons I’ve learned along the way. That led me to this article.

Over the past years, I’ve come to realize how couple-oriented our society is. I’ve also been more aware of the fact God made us with a desire to share our lives with someone. In Genesis 2:18, it says, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him." I have clung to this verse as well as Jeremiah 29:11 (“For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future”) knowing that God has a plan and purpose for my life. In the meantime, I don’t believe He wants me to just sit around and wait for that plan to be revealed to me. So…that’s where the learning has taken place – in the times when I’d like to sit around and wait but have had to follow God instead.

Keep in mind that this is what I’ve learned from my life experiences. Every single person may not experience the exact same things I’ve experienced, but it is my hope that the lessons I’ve learned over the years may be of some help to you. If nothing more…I hope it reassures you – you are not alone in this life!

Lesson #1 – Pray!

While this seems like such a simple lesson, it’s one that has taken probably the longest for me to learn. I’ve always prayed, but my prayers were usually for friends and family. I always felt like I shouldn’t pray for myself – like that was being selfish. God already knew the desires of my heart and what I wanted…He didn’t need me to say them again.

How untrue! While at a SoloCon retreat, I was talking with the speaker. He challenged me to be bold where God was concerned. He said God wanted me to trust Him enough to tell Him the desires of my heart (he talked about verses found in Psalm 37).

It was a little tough in the beginning, but the more I did it the more I saw God working in my life. I also found myself growing closer to God, because as in any earthly relationship, the more vulnerable I became – the more I opened myself up to Him – the closer we became.

Lesson #2 – 3rd Wheels

Good things come in threes – the wheels on a tricycle, the sides of a triangle, strikes in a softball game…the list goes on and on. This was a challenging lesson for me, but God truly helped me. When I became willing to be the “third wheel”, I met some great people who opened their homes and lives to me. For me, being with people is much more fun than sitting at home alone. So…I had to step out and be willing to be the third person, but it’s definitely been worth it!

Lesson #3 – Limitations

Dinner for one? Going to the movies alone? Taking a vacation by yourself? These are all things that most people would say are ridiculous, but as a single person, I’ve learned to not be “normal”. Is it uncomfortable at times? Of course! But…I’d rather enjoy life than sit at home and feel sorry for myself.

Now I must admit that I was a bit forced into this one when my first teaching job found me moving to Souderton, Pennsylvania (over 10 hours from family and friends). At that point, I either had to start doing things alone or stay in my house so I began by having dinner out. I still remember the first time I did this. I was so uncomfortable and felt like people were looking at me, but I realized that it was all in my mind. Dinner by myself was a great stepping stone into a world of endless possibilities.

Lesson #4 – Believe in Yourself

Cindy, a dear friend from SoloCon, once told me that she hoped God would surround me with people who would let me know how beautiful I was. I nearly laughed at her! This seemed like such a silly thing to me, but over the next year, people began to tell me how pretty I was. It seemed to start with people I knew, but it quickly spread to people I passed in a store or at school. I was amazed!

Until this point, I didn’t realize how low my self-esteem had gone. I had started to feel like I was single because of the way I looked. It’s amazing what we can do to ourselves – the negative self-talk can be so damaging! Cindy had realized this, and her simple prayer opened my eyes.

Over the past four years, I’ve grown to love myself, and in the process, I’ve met some amazing people God placed in my life to help me grow. Ladies, please take my advice…we are all “wonderfully made”. Believe in yourself and the gifts God has given you!

Lesson #5 – Take Risks

Easier said than done, but you’ll never come to know the possibilities if you don’t take risks. This journey we are on has bumps, even mountains, at times, but you’ll never get to experience what’s on the other side if you stop climbing. God has great things planned for us, but we must be willing to trust Him.

Matt's Tests

Matt called this afternoon to let me know that his tests were done. The doctor said everything looked good - there was nothing suspicious. So...they are changing his medication and told him to eat a bland diet for now. It was definitely good to hear that everything was fine! Thanks to those who prayed!

Update on the Week

Hello all! I've really been enjoying my time down in North Carolina! I arrived Friday evening after getting stuck in traffic. I should have arrived around 4:30, but the traffic got tied up north of Lake Norman (this seems to always happen to me...no matter what time I arrive) so I didn't get there until a little after 5:30.

Marsha & Harrison (my middle sister & nephew) arrived Saturday morning and stayed through Sunday afternoon. It was great to see them, and Harrison & I had a great time playing. He convinced me to give him my Easter basket for him on Saturday because he was afraid the Easter bunny would see my basket & not deliver one if I waited until Sunday. How can you argue with that logic? :-)

Yesterday was a day spent with mom, and we enjoyed each other's company. As a little way of saying "Thank You" to my parents for all they've done for me, I gave them some gifts on December. For dad, I got a brick engraved that will be placed in the landscaping around The Shoe (OSU's Stadium), and we'll be going to a game this fall to see a game...and the brick. For mom, I got some Pampered Chef stoneware that I knew she'd like, and I bought her & I tickets to go to the Biltmore Estate (the Vanderbilt homestead).

So...why am I telling you all of this? Because mom & I used our tickets to Biltmore yesterday. We spent the entire day touring the house & grounds. We really enjoyed ourselves but were definitely tired by the end of the day.

What do we have planned for the rest of the week? I'm driving to Goose Creek, South Carolina to pick up Maurine (my youngest sister) tomorrow...I'm meeting Marsha to pick up Harrison for the weekend & then we're taking Maurine back to her home...Friday will be my last full day in North Carolina so I'll spend it with mom, dad & Harrison...and...Saturday will find me driving back to Ohio! It'll go fast!

Now for an update on Matt. If you've read the past few entries, you know that he's been sick. He called this afternoon and let me know that he's going in for tests tomorrow. Please continue to pray for him that all goes well & they're able to find out what's going on. Thanks!!!

Update on Matt

Matt called at 12:45 a.m. to let me know he'd just gotten home from the emergency room. He was dehydrated so they had to give him fluids. He's also supposed to call his specialist to get an earlier appointment. Please continue to life him up in your prayers as they are trying to help him feel better.

Thanks!

Trouble Sleeping

It's nearly midnight...I'm very tired...and...I can't sleep! While Matt was over at my house Thursday night, he started not feeling well at all. He said it had started on Wednesday evening, but it was just getting worse. He ended up going home early so he could go to bed.

On way way to North Carolina yesterday (I'm spending Easter & my spring break with my family), I called to see how he was feeling. He was still sick & had been sick and in bed all day. I felt so bad for him...he sounded terrible!

I called again this evening to check on him only to find out that his mom had taken him to the emergency room. His step dad said he'd been sick all day & didn't seem to be bouncing back. He told me not to worry (easier said than done) - he was sure it was just the flu bug or something simple. I asked if someone would call me when they got home, and he assured me they would.

So...now I'm sitting here still waiting for a phone call! I'm trying not to panic - maybe his step dad forgot to pass along the message. I've also been praying quite a bit - for Matt, the doctors, and his mom while she waits. I would feel so much better if the phone would ring! I really hate not knowing anything right now!

Please keep Matt in your prayers! Thanks!

Here it is...the latest update (and an embarrassing situation)!

Hello everyone! I've come to find out that many of you are anxious to hear how last night went. So...here's the scoop...

Last night was wonderful. I love the feel of being in his arms. A friend of mine says her favorite place to be is in her husband's arms. Now...I know why she says that! :-) He came over around 8:30 p.m. (it was late because I had an appointment to get my roots touched up - LOL), and he was here until a little after midnight. The night will make great memories.

On the lighter side...I've been getting teased all day because his stubble (5 o'clock shadow) scratched up my face. I'm not just talking about a little irritation...I'm talking little scratches (including many little scabs) on my chin & upper lip! I have definitely blushed more that once today! And...it just recently dawned on me that I'll be seeing his mom & stepdad tomorrow night at church. Wow! Wonder how fast it'll heal?!?

Words to Live By

Life is short...Break the rules...Forgive quickly...Kiss slowly...Love truly...Laugh uncontrollably...And never regret anything that made you smile.

Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we're here, we should dance!

(To see the animation, click on the picture.)

Chomped Twice....OUCH!!!

If you've been following the March Madness, you know that my Ohio State had to once again face those Florida Gators in the National Championship. It brought back horrible memories for me of football season, and I was really hoping this would end differently. Unfortunately, my guys didn't get their 3 point groove on. I'm saddened, but...at least we made it to the finals (unlike Michigan - who didn't even make the bracket; or Tennessee - who got a taste of the scarlet & gray). And...2nd place is not bad when you think about everything they did to get there.

Go Bucks!

Update

Tonight after cell group, Matt & I were able to talk (I also got another hug). He's coming over tomorrow evening, and we're going to watch the Ohio State game together. We were also able to talk about something that's been bothering me, and it was nice to know that he totally understands. He said the only thing we can do is pray. I really appreciate that about him! I'm telling you...he's a really nice guy!