Another Elf

Harrison decided it would be fun to elf himself. Click here to enjoy(all four elves are of him)!

Bring on the Rain

Many of you may have heard that the south has been experiencing a severe drought...many boats are dry docked because the lakes are so low & there was concern they could be out of water by March. Well...it has rained both days I've been here. Dad thanked me this morning as we were getting a beautiful rain shower. :-) But...I can't complain because mom & I were out this afternoon, and I didn't have to wear a coat. :-) I'll take warmer temps with some rain.

The Elves

I'm sure you've probably seen the "Elf Yourself" greeting from someone, but I just couldn't resist putting my "creation" on for you all to enjoy. I've gotten several of these from friends so I decided to do my own.

If you are interested in seeing Abigail & Harrison (along with Nana & Papa - AKA Mom & Dad...believe me when I tell you that they are a great addition), click here! Enjoy! :-)

Uh Oh...Day #3! AHHH!

As I've said in previous posts, it's always nice to have an unexpected day off, but today we are using our third calamity day. The problem? We only get five for the entire year, and we still have a lot of the year left! I really don't want make-up days!

Shoveling in a Winter Wonderland

This was how I spent over an hour this morning...shoveling. We woke up & were definitely in a Winter Wonderland. Everything was cancelled this morning, and it sounds like there will probably be a delay (maybe even a cancellation) tomorrow morning because the wind is really blowing so drifting is a huge problem.

Here's a picture of the blowing snow while I was shoveling.



And here's a picture of my sidewalks (the part where I'd started) by the time I finished - oven an hour later.

Christmas Lights

There is a house in Oregon that everyone refers to as the "House on Holly" or the "Holly House" and everyone knows what you are talking about. Wonder why? Look below:





This year I found out it belongs to one of my students. He thought I knew it was his house, but this was new news to me. We talked a little about it and here are two things I found very interesting:

1. They used over 100,000 lights this year!

2. Every year his dad cuts the lights to take them down and buys new lights for the next year! Can you imagine?

Some think it's a bit much, but I've always enjoyed it and look forward to it every year.

No Headache!

Today was the first day I haven't had a headache since Tuesday. What a relief & praise! WooHoo - I felt so good!

Thanks to everyone who called & left comments. I really appreciate the thoughts & prayers!

Under the Weather

Monday night I started to have an itchy nose, but I thought it may have been my allergies acting up. However, Tuesday morning I woke up with a full blown head cold & felt miserable. I went in to school for the morning so I could change the date of my winter program (we've missed two days of school due to the weather so we've missed valuable rehearsal time plus I was sick & in no mood) and write sub plans for the afternoon. When I got home, I had lunch & then slept for over 4 hours.

I ended up taking Wednesday off as well because I still didn't feel like myself (spent most of yesterday in bed as well). Today I did go to school, but I've been fighting off a headache most of the day (although the cold, wet weather isn't helping). I'm hoping I'm on the mend & feel even better tomorrow.

Another Day Off

Well...we had an ice storm that hit yesterday so today we have day #2 of only 5 calamity days. This is not looking good! But...it's always enjoyable to have an unexpected day off.

My only concern is that I'm supposed to have my winter program on Thursday and the kids are no where close to being ready. I'm hoping that maybe we can postpone the program!?!

A Teaching Perk

Ahhh...an unexpected day off! You gotta love it if you're a teacher. This is definitely a perk that I enjoy. :-) Sorry to all of you who had to go about your normal day while I stayed in my pj's, cleaned my house a bit, & spent the afternoon with Jen & Eva. :-)

Music to my Ears...or Something Like That

Last night I went to the elementary & middle school band concert because my fifth graders were so excited & kept asking me to go. They did a very nice job, but as I sat there listening to those "beautiful" notes coming out of the fifth & sixth grade instruments, it made me very thankful that I teach general music rather than band. :-)

My very first year of teaching was out in Pennsylvania, and I taught instrumental music. Last night's concert brought back some flashbacks. :-)

Levy Update

We received an e-mail last week letting us know that the Board of Education agreed to put the levy back on the ballot in March. They decided to keep the millage the same this time rather than raising it. Since we are continuing to lose money (and will have lost more since it didn't pass in November), there will be another round of cuts totalling $1,000,000, and if it doesn't pass in March, there will be extreme cuts made.

I don't know what this means for me personally (in regards to my job) but continue to rest in the fact that God has it under control.

My Trip to Indy

Saturday morning I woke up and headed for Indianapolis to visit two friends from SoloCon. Cindy & Debbie are so much fun to be with, and we always have a great time when we're together. Since I hadn't seen them since June, it was especially nice to spend the time together, but it went by so quickly!

Spamalot

Traci, Jeromy and I have season tickets to the Stranahan Theater in Toledo. This is the second year we've gotten tickets, and we really enjoy it. We've been able to see some amazing shows (we've also seen a couple we could have done without). :-)

Friday night's show was one of the amazing ones, and it was absolutely hysterical! We went to see Monty Python's Spamalot which is a musical based on the movie Monty Python and the Holy Grail (I was introduced to this movie in college - a friend of mine, Steve Paver, loved it and got me hooked). It was absolutely hilarious - due to the references to the movie and also to the spoofs about other musicals (or even musicals in general).

Traci found a site where you can watch clips from the musical. If you are familiar with the movie (and it might help if you like it as well), you'll definitely want to check these out! Some of my favorites are the top left (it's based on the "I'm not dead yet!" part) and the third one in the bottom row (it's from the song called "The Song That Goes Like This" - making fun of that "typical" mushy song in all musicals).

A Lauren Story

Last night I stayed with Lauren while Jodi & Shaun went to a Christmas party. We had a great time together, and as usual, she was cracking me up. She said many funny things & did many cute things while we were together but this one tops them all!

As we were getting ready for her bath, she said she needed to go to the bathroom. She walked over to the toilet, lifted the lid, and just stood there. She then said, "Oops...I forgot I'm not a boy. If I was a boy, I could use my antenna & pee." I called her a silly goose & told her to just go to the bathroom. As she sat on the toilet, she called my name to get me to look at her (I was getting the bath water ready to go), and when I looked at her, she proceeded to motion (the correct motion - I might add) that if she had an antenna she could pee anywhere because pee comes out of the antenna.

At this point, I couldn't hold it in so I cracked up. Jodi, Shaun & I had a great laugh as I retold the story to them. They've never heard her use the word antenna before so they're not sure where she picked it up, but Jodi made sure to put it on paper to put in her book. :-)

I also showed her how to make a beard out of bubbles while she was taking her bath, and she thought it was pretty cool! :-)

Supper & A Funny Encounter

Today after school, Traci, Jeromy & I went to the funeral home for friends from church (their mother passed away). Prior to going, we had decided we would get supper together before Jeromy had to leave for work. We decided to go to Bob Evans.

Much to my surprise...part way through supper, Matt & his family walked in. It was a bit awkward at first because they were very close to us, but as time went on, it became very comical because Matt was hunkered down in his booth (which had him facing me) so I couldn't see him. As we left, we had to walk past them so I said goodbye to them. Traci laughed because he stared at me as I walked past, as I was checking out, and as we stood outside talking before going to our cars. Does he miss me? He should! I'm a good catch! :-) Do I miss him. Nope! Not now that I've gotten to see the different side of him.

God was definitely looking out for me in that situation - a prime example of God's ways being better than anything I could do on my own.

A Priceless Picture

While the picture of Abigail & grandma is precious, this picture of my aunt is priceless! She is always sharing "Jane" stories with us that make us laugh (there are far too many for me to share with you, but trust me...they exist). This picture was snapped by my brother-in-law & couldn't have been timed better. Jane...say cheese! :-)

Baby It's Cold Outside

Brrrr! I don't think I'm ready for this!

Grandma & Abigail

I thought this picture was precious, and it tells a good story. It seems as though Abigail and grandma have a special bond. No matter what kind of mood Abigail was in, she would always go to grandma, and if she was crying or upset, grandma was always able to comfort her & calm her.

Harrison's Birthday Party

My aunt called me prior to Thanksgiving to see if I'd like to help her throw a surprise birthday party for Harrison (his birthday is Dec. 5th so we don't get to celebrate with him since they are in North Carolina). I was so thankful she asked me to help, and Harrison was so surprised! :-) He loved it! Here are a few photos from the party.

Here's Abigail...all ready to party! :-)



Harrison's Birthday Cake (he loves the chocolate cookie cakes so Jane made him one)



There were party hats to add to the festivities. Here's Stacy (my cousin), Kevin (my uncle), and Miguel (a family friend) sporting theirs. Don't they look thrilled? :-)

The Week in Review

Here are the highlights from this past week. Enjoy! :-)

Monday...Lloyd Carr retired from Michigan. My how us OSU fans will miss him!

Tuesday...Finally got to see Harrison & Abigail (my nephew & niece - haven't seen them since July). Harrison just kept kissing me, hugging me, and telling me how much he loved & missed me. It was great to hear that, but it also broke my heart. I sure do miss him!

Wednesday...Helped grandma prepare for Thursday's big meal. Mom & dad also came up for Thanksgiving. They also brought Miguel & Norma (a couple from Charlotte - Miguel works with dad - who are from Puerto Rico so they didn't have family to spend the holiday with) to share Thanksgiving with our family. They about froze in Ohio! I think they had their coats on nearly 24/7! :-)

Thursday...3 celebrations! Celebration #1 - Thanksgiving (we had lunch - a feast of our favorite foods) Celebration #2 - Christmas (we had our exchange & opened gifts - something we started doing with dad's family after mom & dad moved down south) Celebration #3 - Harrison's Birthday (he's turning 7 on Dec. 5th so my aunt & I had a surprise party for him so we all could celebrate it with him)

Friday...Shopping!!! A tradition for my aunt, cousin & me...I spend the night at their house, and we get up at the crack of dawn (or earlier) to go shopping. This year the stores opened at 4 a.m. so we were on the road at 3:30 a.m.! We shopped from 4:00-9:30 a.m. After the shopping, mom & dad picked me up, and we went to visit friends we haven't seen in a while. I ended up spending the night with mom & dad in their hotel.

Saturday...Saw mom & dad off & then lounged in the hotel room until it was time to head to Lima for tomorrow's concert (we're singing at Lima First Church tomorrow morning - I'm excited because my aunt & her family are coming to hear us). After setting up the sound equipment, we had practice & then went to supper. Now we're hanging out in the hotel room & getting ready to go to bed.

Well...that's the highlights! Sorry it was so long, but there was a lot to say. I'll have to post some pictures when I get home (I haven't been there since Tuesday).

And the Winner Is...

WooHoo! We were victorious of those guys up north, and it was so sweet! The game wasn't near as close as most thought it would be (Michigan actually played really bad), but all that matters is that when things were said & done the final score was 14-3 in favor of my Buckeyes!

Here's a picture all of the Ohio State fans will enjoy. Someone sent it to me as a text message. I loved it! :-)

The Big Game

If you're asking me "What game?"...you should be knocked upside the head. :-) But in case you are that person, I'm referring to tomorrow's game between Ohio State & Michigan..."The Border Battle" as it's referred to up here.

Prior to this week, I've been thinking about my outfits and preparing for the week. My plan was to start out on the mild side and then progress as the week went by. Monday started with a gray velour jogging suit with a red tank underneath along with my buckeye necklace. On Tuesday, I wore dress pants with my scarlet & gray sweater vest along with my buckeye necklace & a couple of bracelets. Then it was time for Wednesday. :-)

Earlier this fall I made a purchase while shopping in Michigan that I've been saving for this week. It was a shirt that said:

APP-SOLUTE VICTORY
34-32
September 1, 2007 Ann Arbor, Michigan


I proudly wore the shirt which was a great day for Ohio State fans...the day Michigan got beat by a Division I-AA team (Appalachian State).

Well...I couldn't be outdone by Wednesday's shirt so I had something special made for Thursday. It was a gray shirt with red lettering that said:

I Love (actually it was a big red heart)
Appalachian State

Priceless! :-) I got a lot of compliments on this one!

Today...it was a pair of jeans that were cuffed to show off my Ohio State socks, my jersey, 3 necklaces, my ID lanyard (it's scarlet & gray beads with little football beads), my OSU earrings, and five bracelets. Think I got my point across?

In case you didn't know...I'm rooting for the Buckeyes!

Lauren's Picture

On Wednesday, I spent the evening with the Brossia clan (Jodi's family) celebrating Jon & Joe's birthdays. It was great to spend time with them, and Becky's supper was delicious.

After we were done eating, Jodi had to go to bell practice so I stayed & hung out with Lauren & Kennedy (Jon's daughter). Here's the picture Lauren drew for me. She held it up & announced proudly that it was her dog.

Our Last Weekend

A few years ago my church purchased 38.9 acres of land on the other side of town. Since then, we have been raising money for our new church. It was at a point where we needed to start building, but we didn't have enough money to do everything that needed to be done. But...we needed to start.

In the meantime, we've had our church for sale for quite a while, and nothing much had been happening there. But...in God's wisdom...He sent us a buyer (another church who was in need of a building). Now that we've sold our church we'll be able to complete our new building. It's all very exciting.

Now what? Good question! This is our last weekend in our present building so we're having a big celebration this weekend. Tonight we had a big concert with a time of reflection by the previous & current pastors. It's was similar to a Gaither Homecoming concert if you've ever seen one of them. Tomorrow there are several activities that will be taking place as well.

Starting next Sunday we'll be meeting at Starr Elementary (the school where I teach). The school district has been very helpful and are allowing us to use the facilities until our new building is finished. Pastor Mark told us tonight that the foundation is being poured so they've started the process. The last I heard they are saying it should take 8-9 months to complete (but you all know how building project go...we'll have to see what happens).

On a side note...at tonight's concert, several people approached me asking what church I've been attending or wondering where I have been. I relized that many people do not know that I'm touring with Katie (a little funny because we did our first "big" concert at our church, and we also did a big concert at Maumee Bay). I told a few people that they needed to start spreading the news (I almost called it a rumor, but it's the truth. What do you cal that? Hmmm).

Levy Update

Let me begin by saying that today ended on a much better note than it started on (and extremely better than I felt around 2 hrs. into the day).

I woke up this morning & came out to check the levy results. Unfortunately our levy did not pass. The good news is that it failed by less than 400 votes, but...it still failed. There had been talks last spring that there would be immediate cuts if the levy failed this fall so I was a little worried about what that meant to me. Although I was trying not to worry, it was very difficult. And then...a teacher (someone strongly associated with our union) came to me, patted me on the back, and apologized. That immediately had me worried! What did she know that I didn't? My stomach was upset the rest of the day.

Then...we got an e-mail after school was out from our superintendent. He said that due to the cuts that happened this summer we will be okay through the end of the year. That was extremely good news and let me take a deep breath! The levy will go back on the ballot (but it will be higher this time) in March. If it doesn't pass in March, cuts will be made for the coming year.

So...I'm safe for now! :-)

Working the Corner...In a Good Way! :-)

On Monday night, the gym teacher (Kris) and I stood on the street corner down from our school holding a levy sign. Our district has a levy on the ballot, and we really need it to pass! So...we all pitched in to do whatever we could to try & help. This isn't the best picture, but keep in mind that it was absolutely freezing (after 100 mins. - our shift - I could no longer feel my hands), it was extremely windy (we were afraid it would rip the sign out of our hands at some points), and it was raining! My...I must really want to save my job! :-)

Patty & Mark's Wedding

This past weekend I was in a wedding (I mentioned it in the last post). Here's a picture of the bride to be (Patty) sporting her sash. She was so proud! Can you tell?

So Many Things Going on in My Head...

It's getting late, and I really need to go to bed. But...I keep thinking of something else I need to do. As I was finally heading to bed, I decided I should make a post because I won't be able to post again until after this weekend. So...here's what I'm thinking about right now:

1) I'm looking forward to the weekend because I'll be hanging out in Sidney. My friend, Patty, is getting married on Saturday, and I am in the wedding. It'll be a busy weekend, but it'll be great to see everyone, and I'm very happy for Patty. I'll try to post some pictures when I return.

2) I realized after Steve & Tricia's comment on my last post that I haven't told you about my summer plans! Tim has asked if I'd be interested in doing some concerts in Oregon (the state...not the city where I live). :-) They have a wedding to attend (Katie's actually in the wedding) there so he's in the process of booking one or two concerts. So...I'll get to go to one of the states I've never been to (one of my goals is to see all 50 states). It'll also be nice to see Steve & Tricia! They used to attend our church (Steve was on the pastoral staff) but now live in Oregon. I'm really looking forward to this trip!

3) We had another exciting bit of news where the concerts are concerned. The church in Tipp City (where we sang this past weekend) e-mailed Tim to see if we'd come again in October 2009! Can you believe it? :-) This has been such a fun experience, and I can't begin to imagine where it could lead. Each adventure is new & fun for me!

Well...I really do need to get to bed. I'll post the beginning of next week some time. Hope you all have a great weekend!

It's Great to Have Friends...

After everything was loaded on Sunday, Katie went to her car to get some clothes & decided to move her car up to the church. She happened to notice her battery light was on so her grandpa lifted the hood to check things out. He added some water to the battery in case it was low and then proceeded to look around. That's when he noticed the serpentine belt was off.

To make a long story short...Val called a friend in Sidney who had a guy come to tow Katie's car back to his place. We all loaded up in Jordan's van & Val's van to make the drive to Sidney as well. When Chris looked at the car, the only problem was a nut had come off. He can't explain why it happened, but he had a nut to replace it, and we were all back on the road in pretty good time.

We all talked about how God has watched over us in this circumstance. It could have happened on her drive back to Indiana...it could have happened at night (two weekends ago we were in Spencerville and were the only ones left at the church - they had us lock up when we were done loading)...it could have happened when we didn't have people to help us. But...God, in all His glory, provided the right moment in time in order for this to all happen the way it did!

The Weekend

This weekend we (Katie, Tim & I) had a concert in Tipp City so we had to leave early Saturday in order to get there & get things ready for Sunday's concert. I never realized how much goes into a concert of this type and can definitely say I've taken for granted all the performers I've seen in concert do to get ready.

Putting aside travel time (which took us about 2 1/2 hrs. one way this past weekend)...once we arrive at our destination, we have to unload all of our equipment (2 speakers, 3 monitors, bass boost, speaker stands, mic stands, wireless mic kit, keyboard along with all of it's equipment, mixer, all of the cables - 2-3 bags worth, notebooks, another black box that sets on the stage - can't remember it's name, Tim's briefcase, and anything I've forgotten) and set it up. After it's set up, we begin the process of checking to see if everything is working correctly and making any necessary changes or adjustments. Once that step is complete, we begin our practice to prepare for the concert and continue to make the needed adjustments. We typically practice for an hour or so, and then we meet with the praise band/team from the church (we try to utilize their players/singers during our praise & worship segment) for about an hour. Once all of the rehearsals are complete, we have a time of prayer with everyone, and then it's off to supper. After finishing supper, we head back to the hotel to check our clothes for the next morning (sometimes the trip leaves wrinkles that need to be removed). I've been trying to take my shower on Saturday night because I've been having "hair trauma" on concert mornings so this gives me one less thing to do on Sunday. (I think you'd have to be a girl to totally understand this dilemma). :-)

When Sunday morning arrives, we have to be at the church early enough to do one last run through with their praise band/team as well as a quick run through of a couple of our songs to make sure everything is still working correctly. We typically end with enough time for me to make a quick restroom stop before meeting with the pastor for prayer before the service.

And then...it's off. The pastor opens the service, welcomes everyone, prays, & does a quick introduction before we take the stage.

Following the concert, we do our meet & greet time, and Katie & I stand by the table (along with her grandpa, Clyde...he's a great salesman). And then...it's time to pack everything back into the bags & then fit it all back in the van before having lunch.

Whew!!! Now that I've put it in writing I know why I'm so tired on Sunday evenings & Mondays. :-) It's a lot of work!

I know this is getting long, but I just have to mention a couple of highlights from this past week's service.

1) Tim spoke to them about the frailty of life & how important it is to be right with God - no one knows when his/her life will come to an end. He's really felt concerned for this concert and had been asking us to keep the church in our prayers (this is something we all do leading up to a concert...our prayer is that God would use our ministry & the gifts He's given each of us in the way He sees fit). Following his message, Tim gave the congregation time to respond while I played the piano. The response was amazing! There was a powerful prayer service that was followed by a testimony that came from the heart. (Following the service, the pastor shared that the one man who came forward to rededicate his life had been away from the church for over 13 years. Last week he came to church, much to everyone's surprise, and heard about the concert. He told the pastor he'd try to come. Not only did he come, but he thanked Tim for his challenge because it was what he needed to hear. How great is our God!)

2) I had the privilege of having friends from Sidney at the concert. This is the first time I've had my "fans" there, and it was great to see them (guess I should tell you who came - Val, Devan & Briauna). Here's picture of D & Bri I took after the service. Aren't they cute? :-)

SLL Champs!

This season I've been following the Genoa Comets football team. Why Genoa, you ask? Because Jodi's cousin, Connor (#25), is a starter & plays most of the game. It's also fun to be back at Friday night football games. I forgot how much I enjoyed them and missed them!

We've been going nearly every week...we've even gone to some of the away games. But tonight's game was a big one! Tonight they won the SLL Championship by defeating Otsego 62-0. It was quite a game...one in which Connor had a punt return that he ran back 85 yards for a touchdown! :-)

Character

To me, a person's character says so much about who they are. It's so important to me, but obviously it doesn't matter as much to others...or at least my character doesn't matter to them.

Why is it that people feel the need to run my character in the mud? Why do people have to do & say such hurtful things?

Just recently I've experienced a third "character assassination", and quite frankly...I'm getting so tired of it! Things have been said about me that couldn't be further from the truth - things that affect the way people see me & think about me. In all three situations, I've had people who have stuck up for me and have spoken on my behalf, but I'm really getting tired of it. I just don't understand why these people, who act as if they are my friends, would do something like this.

In times like these, it makes it hard to know who you can trust!

Dedication

In July, our school librarian, June Roth, lost her battle with cancer. June was such a dear lady...it's hard to find words to describe her. Since I started teaching at Starr, a group of us (including June) have been eating lunch together. The time was always different if June was missing. She has definitely been missed!

On Sunday, the library at Starr was dedicated in memory of June. It is now called The Roth Library. June would have been annoyed with us making such a fuss over her, but she was definitely deserving!

Starr's 50th Birthday

This year is my school's 50th anniversary so we had a big birthday party/celebration at school on Friday. It made for a very busy (and at times stressful) week, but it really ended on a fun & exciting note.

For our big school-wide celebration on Friday, everyone was asked to dress in their favorite decade (the decades were the 50's through the present decade). I was very excited because it gave me a chance to relive the "big hair" days of the 80's. :-) You gotta love the 80's!

As you will see in the picture below, my outfit included pegged jeans (but I must say it's harder to peg bootcut jeans than the tapered jeans we wore back then), two polo shirts (had to pick pink & green...courtesy of Goodwill) with the collar popped (for those who weren't "of the 80's"...that means the collar is standing up), a lace glove (minus the fingers of course...in true Madonna style), rubber bracelets, rubber watch, pink bead necklaces (one of which was tied in a knot), large earrings (they were in the shape of a star & rainbow colored), a Rubics Cube key chain on my belt loop, lime green mesh shoes, blue eye shadow & pink lipstick (of course I had to add the lip gloss...shine, baby, shine), and last, but certainly not least...the big hair (courtesy of Aqua Net & a teasing comb - I actually found some in the Dollar Store).

I had so much fun, and my outfit was a big hit! Here are two pictures (the first is the "total package" & the second is a close up of my hair...keep in mind the hair had been standing for over 8 hrs. at this point).




My choir also performed for the afternoon assemblies that day. We sang a song from each decade, but there was a bit of a twist (each song had been re-written to be about Starr & things the students like about Starr). Here are the songs we sang:

50's - You Ain't Nothin' but a Starr Bulldog (to Elvis' "Hound Dog")
60's - The Recess Song (to "Fun, Fun, Fun" by the Beach Boys)
70's - We are the Bulldogs (to Queen's "We are the Champions")
80's - Starr Staff (to "Mickey" by Tony Basil)
90's - Memories of Starr School (to "Friends in Low Places" by Garth Brooks)
00's - When There was Me & Food (the "When There was Me & You" from High School Musical)

The Weekend & Our Concerts

This past weekend was our first "double header" (as Tim called it) - we had two concerts on Sunday. It was a great experience, but I was unprepared for how worn out I'd be on Monday.

The weekend started off with me going to Genoa's football game on Friday night. Jodi's cousin plays on the team, and they've been having a great year. It's been a lot of fun to go to high school football games because I'd really been missing them. As if that wasn't good enough, Jodi brought Lauren with us. She's a hoot! I can't begin to explain the love I have for this little girl...and I love the fact that she thinks I'm pretty cool. :-)

Here's a picture of Lauren all bundled up at the game. This was her "silly face" picture.



On Saturday, I was able to sleep in a bit which was nice. After making breakfast, I began packing for our weekend concerts. We left Jordan's home around 2:30 to head towards Cridersville. When we got to the church, we unloaded all of the sound equipment and began to set up. Once everything was up & running, we had our practice. After we had our practice, we practiced the praise & worship set with Joey (a teenager who played drums for the praise & worship).

By the time we were done practicing, we were all starving so it was off to check in at our hotel (which happened to be in Wapakoneta - where I lived for three years while teaching at Jackson Center), and then we went to Bob Evans for supper. The rest of the evening was spent chilling in our hotel rooms & watching the Cleveland Indians game (the Jordans are huge Indians fans!).

Sunday...wow! What a day Sunday was! We got up & got ready in time to leave the hotel around 9:15 a.m. so we could be at the church in Cridersville for one last sound check & practice (we ran through a couple of songs & then worked with Joey for a little bit). Following the concert (and after we had mingled & sold CD's), we packed everything up, loaded the van, and changed clothes before we left the church. Pastor Jon & his wife took us out for lunch (they were such nice people!) at a Mexican restaurant in Lima. Yummm! It was delicious! It was also nice to sit & talk to them for a little bit.

After we said our good-byes, we were off to Spencerville...the location of our evening concert. Upon arriving at Spencerville, we had to unload the van & set up the sound equiment once again. Then there was a small rehearsal for the evening concert (we did some different songs) before we went to change. We did have a few minutes to kind of relax which was much appreciated.

Then...it was time for the evening concert followed by more mingling (this is one of my favorite things...in case you didn't know...I love to talk). While Katie & I were mingling & selling CD's, the men (Tim - Katie's dad & fellow vocal team memeber, Jeff - Katie's brother who runs sound & sings a couple of songs with us, Jared - Katie's boyfriend, and Clyde - Katie's grandpa) began to pack up. I was really surprised how quickly they worked. We finished packing the equipment, and then loaded the van.

By the time we stopped to grab a quick bite to eat in Findlay, unloaded things at the Jordan's house, and I drove back to my house...I got home around 11:15 p.m.

I was totally exhausted, but I also had energy that comes from the concerts. It's been such a powerful, moving & humbling experience to see how God is using our ministry to change people. There is no doubt in my mind that this is what I'm supposed to be doing, and I'm so thankful I had this opportunity!

Here's a picture of us (Tim, Katie & me) following one of our concerts:



And...here's a picture of Tim. Can you tell it had been a long day? :-)

From Air Conditioning to Heat...in 48 Hours

I don't know why this surprises me...I live in Ohio! Where else can the temperature drop 30 degrees overnight?

I had to turn my air conditioning back on Sunday when I got home from the retreat because it was miserable in my apartment. I left it on Monday night because I knew I'd sleep better. When I got home from the gym on Tuesday, I turned off the air and opened the windows.

Tuesday night I had to shut the windows because it began to get chilly, and by the time I woke up on Wednesday, it was pretty chilly. In fact...it was 30 degrees chillier. A sleeveless shirt on Tuesday...a sweater on Wednesday. Go figure!

This evening I was sitting at home on the verge of having goosebumps with fingers that were nearly numb. I decided to see what the thermostat said. When I saw the temperature in my apartment was 64 degrees, I decided it was time to bite the bullet.

So...my heat is on & has run a couple of times tonight. I have it set at 67 degrees so I'm still a little chilly, but it seems so crazy. I'm going to try & hold off as long as I can! :-) I guess I'm a bit stubborn.

Marsha's Family

My sister sent me copies of their recent family pictures. I had tried to post them earlier, but they wouldn't go through. But today...it worked! WooHoo! You'll have to check out my niece & nephew. Be prepared...they're really cute kids! :-)

A Thought

I came across this quote in an e-mail my sister sent me. I thought it said alot without using many words. Enjoy!


Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission.

-Eleanor Roosevelt-

My Weekend

This weekend was SGAW (Singles' Get Away Weekend) in Michigan. It was organized & put on by Patty (a lady who attended SoloCon in Michigan). We had a great weekend, and it was so good to see my SoloCon friends. Here are a few pictures from the weekend (my camera broke so I didn't take many...but these are the important people from the weekend). :-)




Smile Tara!



My Friend, Becky (she's knows everything there is to know about cars)




Ron - what a guy! He's one of the sweetest men I've ever met (and he's a big teddy bear).




Tracy (she tells the best stories...Ron & I had sore stomach muscles on Sunday from laughing so hard)



Here's a picture of the two story carousel that we saw in the mall on Saturday. It was beautiful, and I was totally amazed because I'd never seen one. Have you?




Here's a picture of Ron & me. Isn't it precious? :-)




The final picture is of the leaves. They were absolutely beautiful so I decided to get a picture to share with you as we were driving home (don't fret...I wasn't the one driving). :-)

Sorry it's been so long!

Hello everyone who's out there! Sorry it's taken me so long to post an updated entry, but life's been keeping me on the move (plus I've changed my workouts & they are kicking my butt...I'm exhausted by the time I get home).

Things have been going well. I honestly can't think of anything you've missed, but just wanted you all to know I'm alive & well. :-)

I'm going to a singles' retreat this weekend so I'll have info to post when I return. I'll let you all know how it went.

Hope October has started out great for you!

My Last Day of Work

Yep...I know it seems quick, but it happened. In & out in four days! I was thinking about staying on part-time because they said they'd work with me, but then things began to change a bit. I was told that in order to remain part-time/seasonal I'd have to work a minimum of one weekend per month, and they'd also like to me work two days a week as much as possible.

This just isn't feasible with me now that I'm touring with Katie. Our 2007 dates are completely booked, and we've started booking into 2008 now. There's no way I could work weekends on top of everything else I do. Plus...I'd like to have a life (although sometimes I tend to forget about that part - it's something I'm trying to work on).

Good news...I have the employee discount for a month. That's 30 days of 40% off. WooHoo! :-)

My First Day of Work

I had a blast! And...I now know each & every bra that Cacique (Lane Bryant's line of undergarments) has to offer. For over three hours, I sorted through boxes of bras, underwear, & Spanx. After the sorting process was complete, we took all of the boxes into the store, and we then began moving them to the correct location in the store. The rest of the week will be spent folding, hanging, moving, & probably re-moving. I think I'm going to stay on part-time for now and see how it goes. The managers really like my work ethic and have asked me to consider staying on with them. They are willing to let me work whenever I'd like. I can't pass down the opportunity or the discount.

Now for a side note...their method of shipping merchandise is absolutely absurd! It's the craziest thing, but they ship the items all mixed together (clothes, accessories, undergarments, sleepwear, etc...). So...we had to sort through the boxes, and then I was one of the people who sorted through all of the bras.

Can I remember them all? Let's see...there's:

cotton balconette, cotton demi, cotton plunge (with padding), cotton full coverage (without padding), cotton full coverage wire-free, smooth performance full coverage (without padding), smooth performance wire-free (without padding), sensual full coverage (with padding), sensual wire-free (with padding), balconette, plunge, sheer lace full coverage (lace without padding), flaunt (lace with padding), strapless,& Bra 6. I think that may be it! :-)

Food Poisoning

Need I say more that the title of this post? It was horrible! Friday evening I stopped to get some Chinese from a place I've never been to before. By midnight, I wasn't feeling the best...by 2:30 a.m., my stomach was pretty messed up...and by 6:30 a.m., it all came crashing down (know what I mean). I continued to be sick for 8 hrs.

At this point, I haven't gotten sick in over 18 hrs., but my stomach still feels a little funky. As much as I love Chinese, I'm thining I'll probably wait for a while before having it again. The memories are way too fresh right now. General Tso's is much better going down! :-)

Oh What a Beautiful Morning...

You guessed it...there's music going through my head again! :-) (if you're wondering what music, you've obviously not seen Oklahoma!).

So...to get to the point! This morning a little before 6:00 a.m. I heard the beautiful sound of the phone waking me up. Why was it beautiful? Because it was Traci calling me to tell me we were on a 2 hour delay. Ahhhh! More sleep! It was great! I absolutely love 2 hour delays because you get to sleep in (as long as you can get back to bed - something I can't always do but did today), your school day is shortened, and it doesn't count against you like a day off does.

2 hour delays...definitely a perk of teaching in a school system near the lake with outlying areas!

On a Whim

Well...I have a second job! Can you believe it? I am now (as of approximately 8:30 p.m. tonight) officially a Lane Bryant employee.

Tonight I went to Levis Commons with Traci & Tara, and we stopped by Lane Bryant. I tend to be a frequent shopper here...in fact...the sale woman recognizes me when I come in. She'll ask me questions & we frequently chat. Tonight she asked about my supper at Applebees (she saw me there with Traci & Jodi), and we chatted a bit about our bad waitress (she had the same one). We continued to small talk while I was shopping.

As she was checking me out, she wanted to know if I was busy next week. I was a bit stunned & mentioned that I didn't think so. She mentioned that they are opening a new store in Fallen Timbers (a new mall that's opening in the area) and were looking for some people to help set up the new store. She said that she thought I'd be a lot of fun to work with. So...I filled out an application.

Much to my surprise, she went & got her manager who brought out the schedule with her. She introduced herself, and then asked me when I'd like to work next week. The great thing is that I can pretty much set my hours...can work as much or as little as I'd like. Plus...I will now get the employee discount! WooHoo!

I can't believe I did it, but I also think it'll be fun. And besides...I love Lane Bryant! Employee Discount...here I come!

Our Weekend Concert

This weekend Katie, Tim & I had a concert in downtown Toledo at New Destiny Worship Center. It was an amazing experience! This is a multi-cultural church (although the majority were black) that is alive & truly worshipping God. We had the opportunity to participate in their praise & worship time before we sang. Following our presentation, the pastor gave his message. It was so powerful & encouraging. I'm so thankful we had this opportunity! New Destiny is shining God's light to people and are relying on His help throughout the entire process. They are going to make a difference in people's lives!

While I'm talking about our concert, I'll give you an update as well. When we began this adventure, none of us knew quite where it would lead. We were definitely unprepared for how quickly things picked up. We've given several concerts to date (I believe Sunday's concert was number 10 since we began in May), and as of today, we already have seven concerts booked between now & December. We also already have two events booked for 2008. It's been an exciting time, and I'm so thankful I've had the opportunity to participate in this! Wow! I feel so blessed!

If you haven't had a chance, check out our website.

A Door Has Been Closed!

Without rehashing all of the events of the past week, I'll just say that God has made it very obvious to me that the door between Matt & I needs to be closed (and locked...maybe even dead bolted) for good.

The week has been a little rough on me mentally (several hurdles along the way), but things all came to a head last night. After coming to the conclusion that he will say what he's going to say no matter what the truth really is, I felt so much better today. I really felt like a weight has been lifted!

Lauren was Listening!

I got a call tonight from Jodi to tell me what Lauren, my goddaughter, had just said. It constantly amazes me how much she picks up! And...she never ceases to crack me up with her "adult" talk. She's such a sweetie!

Here's the story:

While Jodi & Lauren were in the car this afternoon, Jodi put in Katie's CD. Jodi & Lauren bought it when they came to our concert at church on July 1st. They also came to our concert out at Maumee Bay the first week of August. Anyways...when the song "I've Got Joy" came on, Lauren perked up and asked if that was my song. Jodi said that it was one of the songs they'd heard me sing with Katie. Lauren then asked if they'd heard it at the inside or outside concert. :-)

This just goes to show how careful we have to be around children. They are constantly listening & picking up things in their little heads.

A Special Day!

If you don't already know it...I'm a Buckeye fan. In fact, that's putting it mildly. I bleed scarlet & gray. :-) My love of Ohio State football was instilled by my father. I've always enjoyed watching the games with him, and I always looked forward to getting to go down to the stadium. For 21 years, my dad was a portal at the stadium (they are the people who help you find your seats).

Last fall I was looking at the football schedule online when I noticed an advertisement for their brick campaign. I decided to check it out and quickly realized that this would be something very special I could do for my dad. I began to think about what I wanted it to say (I was limited by the number of spaces & lines), and with mom's help, I finally came to a conclusion. My next step was to fill out the paper work. And then...I had to wait. I ordered a replica brick for dad to keep at the house, and the original was to be placed in the walkway behind the south stands this summer.

So...today I took my dad to the game. You can't begin to imagine how many bricks are there! I was worried we'd never find it, but I actually found it pretty quickly. Below are a few pictures from the day.

This is the actual brick (I made sure to clean it off before I took the picture. Can you believe people had the nerve to walk on it?!?). :-)



This is me modeling the brick (move over Vanna...there's a new girl in town!).



The final picture is of dad & me. Everyone together now...AWHHHHHH! Precious, isn't it?



I'm so glad we had a chance to do this! It was something I was looking very forward to, and I'll have memories that I'll always cherish.

Dad...if you're reading this...just want you to know how much I love you! And...thanks for the Buckeye Fever! :-)

Sleeping Triple in a King Size Bed

Did I get your attention? :-) Figured you'd probably be curious. So...look above at the name of my blog...Sleeping Single in a Double Bed. I decided to use that because 1) it's reality and 2) it's from a song. However...my reality changed last night! I no longer was sleeping single nor was I in a double bed (thank goodness!).

As you've already read in my previous post, I went to Upper Sandusky last night to meet mom & dad. The plan was for me to sleep on the sleeper sofa in their room. There was only one problem...there wasn't a sleeper sofa in their room. I offered to sleep on the floor, but mom & dad didn't like that idea. So...dad suggested we all sleep together. After all...they had a king size bed.

Boy...was it ever an interesting night! Just imagine the three of us (and none of us are "small") snuggled in bed. Dad refused to sleep in the middle, and mom said there was no way she was going to which meant that I got to sleep in the middle. Every time I had to go to the bathroom (which happened to be three times last night because I had a lot of water with my supper...bet you're glad I shared that tid bit of info!) I had to climb out from under the covers and then proceed to the bottom of the bed. Upon returning to bed, I'd have to climb back up to the top & then work my way back under the covers.

The second time I returned from the bathroom I only crawled to the top & laid on top of the covers because I was burning up! The body heat of both my mom & my dad about sent me over the edge. I was sweating profusely!

As I sit here recalling the events of last night, I'm nearly laughing! I wish I'd been able to get a picture of the three of us! :-)

Flowers, Hairspray & Family

The week began with an unexpected flower delivery. What a nice surprise! When I looked at the card, there was a beautiful note from friends of mine (Jen, Steve, Eva & Emmitt). These are friends I made while Matt & I were dating, and I'm so thankful that we've remained friends (I often joke that Jen's the best thing that came out of Matt & I's relationship). :-)

Tonight I went out to supper with Traci & Connie, and then we met Jen at the movie theater to see "Hairspray". I really enjoyed the movie and especially enjoyed the humor!

Now I'm home & looking forward to tomorrow! After school, I'm driving to Upper Sandusky because my parents are heading up for a wedding. I'm really looking forward to seeing them! It's only been two months, but I've been missing them. I'm looking forward to some good hugs! I'm also looking forward to Saturday because dad & I are going to the Ohio State football game. Last fall I bought a brick through the University and had it engraved (it says "Dad, Thanks for the Buckeye Fever! Love, Michelle). It was to be put in the landscaping in the south stands this summer. So...we're going to try & find "our brick", will be spending some time with his buddies from the old 23C, and will be able to experience a game together at the horseshoe. I can't wait!

Yes...I'm still among the living!

I've had two people now comment on how long it's been since I've blogged so I thought I better post an update before I hear anything else! :-) Although I must admit that it's nice to know people are reading this & care (thanks Jane & Ralph!).

So...where to begin? I guess I do have a lot to say even though I've not taken the time to do so.

Why haven't I been blogging? I've been extremely tired. I think this is due to many factors...1) I've gotten used to relaxing this summer. Relaxing is something I tend to have a problem doing because I always keep myself so busy, but I truly & honestly was able to relax this summer & loved every minute of it. Now that I'm back in school...it's kicking my butt! 2) It's been very hot & humid the past few weeks so our rooms are very warm & muggy. That makes for a very long day & tends to drain the energy very quickly. 3) I'm used to getting approx. 9 hrs. of sleep each night this summer. In order to get up at 6:30, I'd have to go to bed by 9:30. I've not been ready to do that (although I have been in bed between 10 & 10:30 each night which is early for me) so I'm getting less sleep (although I'm still averaging 8 hrs., but my body really needs 9).

How's school been going? It's going well, but as you read above, it's been very warm. The students are so happy to see me, and I've enjoyed their hugs. But...for the first time since I started teaching...I'm not as enthusiastic. I hope as the school year progresses that I'm able to get a bit more excited about things. It's not that I'm not enjoying it, but I'm not as excited about it. I had a fellow teacher tell me she went through the same phase about the same time in her teaching career so I'm hoping it's just that...a phase.

How am I doing? It just depends on the day you ask to be very honest. I'm going through a valley right now so it's been a little hard to see the sunshine, but I know it's there...just up ahead at the top of the mountain. Some of it is just your typical female hormones (ya' gotta love 'em), and part of it is still me trying to deal with my heartbreak. I was telling a friend tonight that I feel like this is so stupid...I know that this was for the best & I know that God has something better planned for me...but...I still let it get to me & bother me. At the beginning of July, I handled it all so well but that was because I was down with mom & dad so I was able to avoid it. I didn't deal with it. Now I'm dealing with it, but I wish I'd deal a little more quickly. Does that make any sense? Even though I know what I know, my heart is still hurting & my emotions tend to take over. I really am alright...I'm just going through a little downtime (sound familiar...it was part of the song lyrics I posted back in August).

What have I been up to? I just had the opportunity to attend the wedding of two of my dear friends from SoloCon this past weekend. Scott & Tammy met last year during the Labor Day weekend SoloCon in Michigan and just really hit it off. It's been so fun to see the love develop between them and to see how happy they both are. There's no doubt that they were meant to be together! It was great to see them this weekend and to be at their wedding. I also had the opportunity to see Don (another friend from SoloCon), and we went out country dancing both Friday & Saturday night. On Sunday, I went to a cookout at Traci & Jeromy's house, and the final day of our long weekend was spent with Traci. We started out by golfing (and getting eaten alive by mosquitoes...I counted 22 bites on my legs - that's not counting the ones on my arms), had lunch, and then did a little shopping. Neither of us really wanted the weekend to end. :-)

So...now that I've bored you all to death with the update...we should be good to go. I'll try to not let another week pass by without a blog! :-)

The Findlay Flood

What started out as a dry summer has quickly changed. In the first two photos (you can click on them to see a bigger image), you see some of the devastation that occurred this past week in the Findlay area. On the day of the flood, Findlay did not get any rain, but it rained heavily in Mt. Blanchard & Ottawa which caused the Blanchard River to back up creating a flash flood. Some parts of Findlay had five to six feet of water in the houses & businesses.

Now...they are left with the daunting clean up process. That's where the next three photos come in. Yesterday a group of 23 people from my church (teens & adults) traveled to Findlay to help with the clean up. We were able to work on three projects (a restaurant downtown, a store near the river, and a home near the river). I worked at the home where we emptied their crawl space (which was jam packed). After the contents was emptied, it had to be sorted through...the trash items went to the curb & then items they wanted to keep had to be power washed (several of us came back very "damp" due to Paul's power washing antics). Although it was messy work, we had a good time and are very thankful for the opportunity to help out. (Did you see the picture of Marty grilling out for us? He's a man that comes prepared...brats & hot dogs!). :-)

Having had the opportunity to help in Bayou La Batre, Alabama twice after Hurricane Katrina, the sights & smells of yesterdays trip were all too familiar. My heart goes out to those people who have been affected. And just like Bayou La Batre was the "forgotten city" in Hurricane Katrina (so much emphasis was placed on New Orleans), I think that the smaller cities (such as Carey & Ottawa) have become the "forgotten cities" in this flood.

3 days down...177 to go!

Well...I'm back to work, and it's kicked my butt! This working "thing" is for the birds! :-) I enjoy the summers oh so much!

But...in all seriousness...it is great to be back, and it's nice to have the children so excited to see you. I forgot how much I missed their hugs! The week did wear me out, but I think part of that had to do with the temperatures. It's been in the 90's with very high humidity so the heat index has been over 100 degrees. That makes for extremely warm classrooms (especially seeing as how we do not have air conditioning). I have sweat so much this week! I'm not sure why I put any effort into getting ready because by 10:00 a.m. I'm soaked & stinky.

I'm hoping the temperature starts to drop because next week is a full week. I hope I make it through. :-)

A Tough Night

For some reason I have been thinking a lot about Matt tonight, and I really miss him right now. Part of the problem may be that we first met at MOD Squad's spring poker game. Last night I was joking about it, but it really did bring back a lot of memories. And on top of that...now that I'm back in school, people are asking a lot of questions. I appreciate the concern, but I just have to keep reliving all of the details.

I also had a teacher mention today that there's someone she'd like to set me up with in the future, and it just seems so weird. Part of me is excited to get "back on the horse", but the other part of me is so sad that I'm available.

I thought I had moved on, but I guess I'd just put a bandage on my broken heart because it's hurting again right now.

And The Winner Is...

Last night was our 3rd Annual Texas Hold 'Em Tournament for MOD Squad. We all enjoy playing the game and especially enjoy the fact that we can play it without using money! :-)

The first picture above is of Traci & Jeromy. Traci was the big winner last night, and as I was taking her picture, Jeromy jumped in. I told him I was going to say it was a picture of a winner & a loser. Jeromy was quick to point out the fact that he was not the first one to go out. So...I took a picture of the biggest loser - that's the second picture! :-)

World Pulse Festival

Earlier this week, my friend, Don, and I were talking on the phone. During the conversation, He mentioned that he had gotten tickets for the World Pulse Festival (an outdoor concert where 7 Christian artists/bands perform in South Bend, Indiana). There was a mix up with his tickets so he had a lot of extras and wondered if I'd be interested in going (he actually asked if Matt & I wanted to go...we obviously hadn't talked in over a month).

After discussing the situation with Matt, he told me I could invite anyone I wanted because he had plenty of tickets (the tickets are free if you order them in advance, but they are $75 at the door...Ralph - get over it & move on!). The next day I made a few phone calls to people I thought may be interested.

So...yesterday morning at 7:00 a.m., we loaded up the church van to head for the concert. It ended up that only one family from church was able to go, but we had a blast! There were 7 of us (Larry, Dawn, Nicole & Katie Pioterek, Solana - Nicole's friend, Adam Pioterek - Larry's brother, & Michelle - a really cute girl that has some great friends). :-) Larry & Adam added quite a sense of humor to the trip (Dawn kept apologizing for them, but I assured her that I enjoyed humor). In fact, my stomach muscles hurt from laughing so much when I got home last night. It was also nice because I got to know them all better - they attend my church and we talk, but yesterday gave us a chance to get to know each other and I appreciated that opportunity.

The concerts ran from 11:00 a.m. through about 6:15 p.m. During that time, we heard Krystal Meyers, Superchick, Sanctus Real (originally from the Toledo area), Desperation Band, Kutless, Third Day, and Michael W. Smith. It was a great day with great music!

On top of getting to know the Piotereks better & hearing some great music, it was also nice because I got to spend some time with Don. Don & I met at SoloCon in 2003 and have become pretty good friends. We talk on the phone, occasionally get together to go dancing or to see a football game, and we've always had two SoloCons each year. Due to some changes that have been made, we didn't have SoloCon in May so I haven't seen Don since the OSU v. Indiana game back in October. It was great to see him in person and to spend some time with him. I also got to see Jim (another friend from SoloCon). Jim lives about 20 mins. from South Bend so he came over for the last concert of the day.

How would I summarize my day?

Awesome!

Yesterday was just simply an awesome day!

Downtime

This song is on the new JoDee Messina CD I bought (her greatest hits), and I had to laugh at the words. It really seems to fit the situation I went through with Matt. I especially like the end of the first verse!

Verse 1:

I haven't been myself these days according to friends.
I tend to lose a part of me when my heart's on the mend.
I'll be alright it's safe to say
'Cause just like your love this is only a phase.

Verse 2:

Some might think I've gotten caught up in heartache's aftermath,
But your memory's taken second to a good book and nice long bath.
I must admit it threw me at first,
But I'm convinced I'm over the worst.

Chorus:

Oh, I've been on this road a time or two, it's nothing new.
I'll get on my feet and over you.
I tell myself that everything will be just fine.
I'm just going through a little downtime.

A Day at the Zoo

Last week, Lauren (my goddaughter - Jodi's daughter) asked me if I'd go to the zoo with her one more time before school started. We went in June and had a blast so there was no was I was going to tell her no. She's so much fun to take to the zoo because she absolutely loves the animals!

Yesterday we spent a total of over 6 (yes...that was 6...s-i-x) hours walking around. I'm telling you that we saw everything! :-) By the end of the day, we were all exhausted and had tired feet.

The picture above is of Jodi & Lauren on the carousel in the Africa exhibit.

You Didn't Complete Me

Did the title catch your attention? It certainly caught mine! I found this book while I was down with mom & dad and am so glad I bought it. It was written by a gal, Joanna Harris, who's love life is remarkably similar to mine. It was almost scary as I read the book!

As I began reading, I quickly realized that my thoughts about things were "normal", and she seemed to put what was happening & what had already happened into words that explained it all so well. So, I began marking the pages & highlighting sections that really struck me.

I've decided to put these things in my blog...maybe some of you will better understand my thought process or maybe there's someone reading this who needs the reassurance that you're not going through this alone (much like I felt when I read the book). Her words will be in italics, and any comments I make will be in parentheses. When you see Jack, substitute it for Mike, and when you see Ross, substitute it for Matt.

So...be prepared because this is going to be really long! (Feel free to skip it if you're not interested! You won't hurt my feelings!) :-)

Every expectation from every person was different. Even the expectations I put on myself were different. Everyone said I should be true to my feelings - be true to myself. Little did they know that inside, my true self was a raging parallel. I was glad he was out of my life. I missed him desperately. I was angry. I was sad. I was content. I was misplaced. I wished that things had gone as planned and that I was still getting married. I was relieved that I wasn't getting married. I was back where I belonged. I didn't belong anywhere. I felt guilty. I felt free. I felt strong and liberated. I felt like I would crumble at any moment.

It was hard. Hard to be myself when I didn't know who that was at the moment. Hard to fake it. Hard to be real. I was constantly overwhelmed with the feeling that I wanted to run. To hide out. I wanted to go somewhere where no one knew me - where there wasn't any "way it used to be." But I knew I would long to be among my friends if I wasn't. I knew I would regret the run. Regret the chance to get my life back. To change it. To make it better somehow.

(As crazy as this all sounds...it's exactly what was going through my head - both times. I felt like I was always having an inner conflict!)

I couldn't face the emptiness. I've always been extremely independent and enjoyed being my myself. But this is different. This is...something worse than loneliness. Something much worse. While I'm driving I see our entire relationship flash before my eyes....I remember his face when he asked me to marry him. I remember his face when he said never mind. I remember his laugh and his heart and his way with words. All of these images flash in my mind without warning or reasoning. I feel as if my subconscious is trying to figure out what happened. Looking for the warning signs I missed along the way.

But there is no answer to the riddle. No reason for his dismissal of me. He just decided he didn't want to marry me. And that was that. The beginning of the end of us. Or maybe just the end. It was definitely the end of my lifelong way of thinking. The end of believing that true love can begin in an instant. That romance comes complete with background music and happy ending. It was definitely the beginning of discovering what I was made of. Discovering who it is God created me to be.

(The memories & flashbacks still haunt me at times. That's probably the worst part for me.)

My mind raced with all that had happened in the past year. The past three months. The past hour. I thought about how much I had loved Ross and how much he had hurt me. I thought about how unfair it all seemed and wondered how I was going to get through it. Sure, I was doing okay. Going to work every day and fulfilling obligations and spending time with friends. But the empty echo inside me rang louder. I was not, contrary to what I told everyone, fine.

...And although I wasn't trying to listen, although I was shutting Him out, I heard God speaking into my life. Telling me that my life isn't always what I think it should be. That things aren't always as they seem. That the marriage I was missing wasn't the marriage intended for me. That being in Seattle stuck on a mountaintop was far better than marrying the wrong person.

It had been easy for me to mourn what could have been and overlook what actually was. But I realized up there that in the midst of my heartbreak, I was actually being saved from far worse. I never would have experienced this mountain had it not been for the valley. The only reason I was still enough and quiet enough to hear Him was because of the acute pain I was running from.

(As hard as it is to admit, this was so real for me. I went through a period where I began to push God away. I was angry with Him for allowing me to go through such pain - especially the second time around. I didn't understand why He could let such a thing happen to me, but then it really hit me...my favorite verse came to mind..."For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Although it was hard to grasp onto, I knew it to be true...mainly because He'd gotten me through the first time, and my life has been extremely good! What was I complaining about?)

...I wanted to slam the door and hide. I wanted to put my phone on Do Not Disturb and lay under my desk. Climb out the window. Shimmy down the drainpipe. Run away. Because I can handle all this breakup stuff as long as no one addresses it. As long as it's a secret. The past is easier to ignore if no one knows.

My friend Michell was sitting next to me and her new boyfriend came over and sat down beside her. He put his arm around her waist, and due to the overcrowding, he was practically touching me too. For some reason, it made my heart sad and my cheeks burn. It made me recognize The Void.

The Void seems to be responsible for so many things. Feeling alone. Crying at night. Some girls would rather be with someone who lies to them than face The Void alone. Fortunately, I'm not that bad off. Yet. I'm still in the fight, wrestling the battle of the empty echo. The hollow thump. Because breaking up is losing your best friend. Your last call of the day. Your Valentine. Your New Year's kiss at midnight. And sometimes, the person you expect to spend your life with. When I lost Ross, I lost more than a Friday night date. I lost it all, or at least it felt like I did. My entire future was wrapped up in him - and then he was gone. It made me not want to trust anyone else, including God. Everyone says to run to God in times of heartbreak - but that was sometimes the last place I wanted to go. At that time, even a relationship with God seemed scary. What if He abandons me too? What if He leaves?

Maybe there comes a certain point for many of us when we think it's about time to get something going. It's about time to be in love and settle down. Maybe the first person that manages to stumble in our general direction becomes our greatest heart's desire. I wonder...is this what Ross did? Did he think it was about time he fell in love and I happened along? Did he want to get married before he reached a certain age and thought I would fit the bill well enough? Did he tell me he loved me just so he could tell someone? I don't know. I don't think I'll ever know.

Maybe he never meant all the things he said to me. Maybe they were just things he had always wanted to say. Maybe they were just things I wanted to say - and to hear in return. Maybe the lines between what's real and what we believe is expected of us are invisible. Maybe our current surroundings have left us wanting.

Ross's words meant something to me. And they left an emptiness in me when taken away. I didn't think it was possible for someone to tell me that he loved me forever and then change his mind. Never expected someone to ask me to marry him and then say no thanks. I also didn't anticipate the barren wasteland that my heart would become. The well of loneliness so deep there wasn't room for anyone but me.

(I've pondered this quite a bit...why did he say the things he said? Why did he make plans with me - even after promising to be careful with my heart? I have so many questions that probably will never be answered.)

...I had found what I thought to be happiness. The forever kind. But forever didn't last.

...It wasn't that I thought about him constantly. But the few thoughts I did have were so powerful. Sometimes they ran me over and I would forget where I was or how I got there. How I became an all-alone person. How I lost my reality and woke up in this bad dream that I now found myself living. Life without Jack. I wanted to wake up and for all the world to be right. At least my kind of right. A world where he and I made sense and were good and where we lived happily ever after. A place where I wouldn't lie in bed at night and cry, not always knowing why.

I think I wanted someone to notice I was losing it without my having to tell them. I wanted someone to offer the answer without having to ask the question. I didn't want anyone to know - but I wanted everyone to help.

When I lost Ross, I didn't feel as if all life had ended. I had already learned where my value truly lies. I knew that God was big enough and strong enough to see me through the worst. I knew that losing Ross didn't mean I had lost the best part of me....And I know God is there and He is the One who makes me whole and restores me. I know that when I think He's lingering far away, He knows exactly where I am. He hasn't forgotten me or abandoned me, even though I may feel as if He has.

I remember how long it took me to get rid of the baggage from my relationship with Jack. I carried that hurt around in plain view for, well, years. Three years, actually. I'm not proud of this fact. But, it cannot be denied. This hurt, this injustice, became my identity. I carried it around with me everywhere I went and just became more and more bent over from the weight. Every new person I met would be mentally put through the hurt filter. Will this person hurt me too? Will they understand how fragile I am? Truth is, most people didn't seem to care who I was or what I'd been through, which I immediately chalked up to another injustice to my already heavy grudge. Woe is me, I thought. No one could ever love me. And that's true. Who would want to love a bent-over, bitter grudge transporter?

(This hit me hard! It's exactly what I did with the hurt from my relationship with Mike. I even screened Matt through the hurt filter...little good it did.)

...But I realized that I had been lying to myself. These memories were just that, memories. His promises would never come true, no matter how many times I read them. His picture would always be a smile in the past. This fact sat like a stone inside me, but I knew it was true.

...I realized that sometimes people don't turn out the way we thought they would. That the good life we wish we had isn't always better than the life we've got. That following your heart isn't always the best thing to do. Don't gasp - it's true. If I followed my heart, I would still be waiting for him.

Some say that the hard times either break you or make you stronger. I think it's both. I think they're the same thing. Isaiah 48:10 says that God refines us, but not as silver. He tests us in the furnace of affliction. Wow. Sounds harsh at first, but I think it's actually quite good. Life is life. Things happen, things that afflict and hurt and cause us pain. This refining process isn't always easy. God uses these afflictions, these hurts, to shape our hearts. But I trust Him. Even when things don't make sense and seem too heavy to endure. He uses circumstances to grow us. To grow me. I wonder if God can see His reflection in me yet.

(To this I say "Amen!" The "refining process" has not been easy, but I want to be the person He wants me to be...no matter what it takes to get me to that point.)

My friends have seen the best in me - and the worst. Oddly enough, none of them have run screaming or sighed a disinterested yawn. Or worse, none of them have cut me off. Shut me out. They just love me over and over and over in spite of myself.

...Friends who understand without demands or questions or selfish motives. So many people had been bombarding me with curiosities and inquiries that I was on the verge of a volatile episode. But not Beth and Ape. They were patient and thoughtful of exactly what I needed - which was time.

...have seen the the worst parts of me and choose to love me still. Maybe even a little more. They could care less if I'm married or single or rich or poor or short or tall. They don't love me for who I was supposed to be. They love me for who I am. Sure, I would like to be married someday and share that part of life with them. But for now, I know that I'm blessed beyond anything I deserve...Because of them I am a better person. Because of them, I have survived. Because of them, I know Christ more.

They were there for me the first time. And the second. So no matter what heart-wrenching situation I find myself in, they will love me and pray for me some more. Even when I don't want them to. When I give up, they keep on. I think, I hope, that if I find myself in another desert of loneliness - when I think that God has abandoned me and given up on me - I hope I will have the wherewithal to remember His most creative gift to me. My friends. He knew how much I would need them. Knows how much I need them still Because of them, I am not alone.

(During the past couple of months, Traci & Jodi have been my Beth & Ape...they have been there for me - even when I didn't feel like talking. Just thinking about it brings tears to my eyes. I am so grateful for them! But...it even goes beyond Traci & Jodi. God has truly blessed me with some amazing friends - an overwhelming gift for me to comprehend at times.)

Only Jesus. Only He can fill The Void, heal the ache, calm the storm. I think we've all said that once or twice, but is it how we live? Is it how I live? Not always...but I'm learning. I'm learning that the lesson I've learned thirty-two times before is still a good lesson learned. God created me to be exactly me, to show His character in a unique way. I am accepted and loved, period.

It's the truth. And I've decided to start living in this truth, even if there are still small parts of me that need convincing. The God of all things, the God of Abraham and Moses and Paul, accepts me as I am. Wants me. Fulfills me. Likes me. And He won't abandon me, won't leave me.

Psalm 136 says that His love endures forever - twenty-six times! I guess God knew I would need to hear that more than once. More than twice. More.

(I'll be the first to admit that I'm not always the quickest, but if I stick with something long enough, I learn it. I'm sure glad God's patient with me!)

I am the woman I am because of the heartbreak I've lived through.
This doesn't mean I cherish heartbreak. It doesn't mean I want to go through it again. Doesn't even mean that these experiences were always God's best for me. But it also doesn't mean that they weren't.

Finding The One. I'd like to know the rules, since I seem to be so bad at it. Can there be more than one? Is it possible to meet a Soul Mate, it doesn't work out, and you meet another one? Is a Soul Mate only the person you marry? And if that's true - what is a Soul Mate? I wouldn't know, never having found one. I thought I did. Twice. What's wrong with me that I could get such a huge thing wrong - twice? Ugh!

(I certainly thought about this after Mike - wondered how I could have been so wrong. When it happened the second time with Matt, it was almost comical...not only did I screw it up once, but I screwed it up twice. I think that was one thing that relieved me a bit when I started reading the book...I wasn't the only one who messed it up.)

The only part about him I miss now is the physical. I miss his touch. I miss his lips. I miss his embrace. The way he looked at me that made me feel pretty. That spark disguised as "knowing". And that's it. I don't miss anything else.

(I sure do miss the physical part...miss being held in his arms the most.)

...There were lifelong wishes that seemed to come true with him. There were things I never knew I wanted that he was. He answered all the longing and satisfied all the needs. But who he has now revealed himself to actually be is nothing of the man I loved. His facade faded and the reality of him was devastating.

(Unfortunately the same is true of Matt. It appears he was living two very different lives...the one was the man I fell in love with, but the second is so different from the first. This reality was devastating...I thought I knew him, but it turns out he really doesn't know who he is.)

So...that's that! For those of you who completely read this entry, I hope it shed some light on my thoughts...my life.