I really don't have anything else to say, but I felt like this was a landmark moment so...
I remember it oh so well...the day I set out on this journey. After reading the Waal blog & Traci's blog, I decided to start one of my own, but I wasn't sure it would be anything I'd enjoy or people would read. However, soon after I started this journey the glove incident occurred (remember all of those stories?)...I had you hooked from there.
During the past 99 posts, you've had a glimpse of some of my high & low moments in life. From the sudden on set of dates (after a 4 year hiatus)...through the happy moments of my life with Matt...through the sad moments of our break-up...and now through the recovery process & moving on...you've been there through it all.
For my loyal readers, I appreciate your comments & thoughts you've shared. For those who are new, I hope you're ready to hang on...it could be a bumpy ride. But...as from the beginning...I promise this will be me through & through. You're going to get the real thing...like it or not!
Thanks for celebrating my 100th post with me! :-)
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
A Softball Update
Tonight was our last night of the regular season, and we ended the year with a victory against Northwood (Jodi's brothers & sister-in-law play on the team so we always have a little "friendly" competition when we play each other). Jane and the kids stayed for the first half of the game before heading home...my own cheering section. Although, now that I think of it, I'm kind of disappointed in you Scott...you could have done a better job of embarrassing Stacy while cheering for me. Were you being bashful? :-)
On a side note, our standing in the league was 3rd place, but that how now changed to 2nd place. We were notified this weekend that the team we played the past two weeks broke some of the league rules so they had to forfeit the two games they played against us putting us in 2nd & them in 3rd. It was a sore subject for them, but it was a pleasant surprise for us.
On Saturday, the team has the tournament games. I will probably not be playing because I have a concert with Katie & Tim in St. Mary's and tickets for the drag races in Norwalk that afternoon. The only possibility is that I may be able to play in the 2nd game if they win the first game against New Heights (one of our least favorite teams so a victory would be nice). I'll just have to wait & see what happens, and you'll find out when I blog about it.
On a side note, our standing in the league was 3rd place, but that how now changed to 2nd place. We were notified this weekend that the team we played the past two weeks broke some of the league rules so they had to forfeit the two games they played against us putting us in 2nd & them in 3rd. It was a sore subject for them, but it was a pleasant surprise for us.
On Saturday, the team has the tournament games. I will probably not be playing because I have a concert with Katie & Tim in St. Mary's and tickets for the drag races in Norwalk that afternoon. The only possibility is that I may be able to play in the 2nd game if they win the first game against New Heights (one of our least favorite teams so a victory would be nice). I'll just have to wait & see what happens, and you'll find out when I blog about it.
My Visitors
My aunt, Jane, called me on Saturday, and while we were talking, she mentioned that they might come up today for a visit. Yesterday she called and confirmed the plans - we decided to meet at Levis Commons (she's heard me talk about it so much) and then head to Old Navy & Sam's Club. She also said they'd stay to watch a bit of my softball game.
Our day went off as planned, and I even had a bonus. Jodi called this morning saying that they were on their way to the park so I met them there & had lunch with them. Then it was off to Levis Commons. On a side note...Jeromy, Traci's husband, thinks I'm addicted to the place. I can't imagine why he'd say that...I've only been there four times in a week. :-)
Jane, Stacy, Scott, and I had a great day! We walked the entire circle of stores making several stops along the way. During the course of the day, Scott constantly kept us laughing (well, most of us...he usually had Stacy sighing or commenting on how embarrassing he is). Scott is one of the funniest teens I know. I always crack up when I'm around him! Sorry Stacy, but I have to tell the truth (although I may feel differently if he was my brother).
After we had our fill of shopping at Levis Commons, we spent some time at Old Navy, and then Jane got a few things at Sam's Club. Then is was off to supper (we went to CiCi's Pizza...a cheap, but delicious, pizza buffet). After supper, we picked up my car at Levis Commons and then headed for my softball game (you'll read about it in the next entry).
I thoroughly enjoyed my day with them and am so thankful they drove all the way up here! It was so good to spend some time with them, and I really needed the comic relief. Thanks, Scott! :-)
Our day went off as planned, and I even had a bonus. Jodi called this morning saying that they were on their way to the park so I met them there & had lunch with them. Then it was off to Levis Commons. On a side note...Jeromy, Traci's husband, thinks I'm addicted to the place. I can't imagine why he'd say that...I've only been there four times in a week. :-)
Jane, Stacy, Scott, and I had a great day! We walked the entire circle of stores making several stops along the way. During the course of the day, Scott constantly kept us laughing (well, most of us...he usually had Stacy sighing or commenting on how embarrassing he is). Scott is one of the funniest teens I know. I always crack up when I'm around him! Sorry Stacy, but I have to tell the truth (although I may feel differently if he was my brother).
After we had our fill of shopping at Levis Commons, we spent some time at Old Navy, and then Jane got a few things at Sam's Club. Then is was off to supper (we went to CiCi's Pizza...a cheap, but delicious, pizza buffet). After supper, we picked up my car at Levis Commons and then headed for my softball game (you'll read about it in the next entry).
I thoroughly enjoyed my day with them and am so thankful they drove all the way up here! It was so good to spend some time with them, and I really needed the comic relief. Thanks, Scott! :-)
Saturday, July 28, 2007
A Great Day with Great Friends
Today started with Jackie, my beautician, washing the gray right out of my hair (music is again going through my head...this happens quite often for me b/c so many words remind me of songs). After my hair appointment, I drove to Levis Commons to meet Jen & Eva for lunch (while there we ran into Matt...a bit awkward, but inevitably it was going to happen at some point), and then we did a little shopping. On a side note, for those of you who don't know, Levis Commons is one of my favorite places to shop (I've been there three times this week...had to make up fo the three weeks I was in North Carolina...or at least that's how I'm justifying it). Levis Commons also happens to be Matt's place of employment (hence the inevitability of running into him...I was just glad the first occurrence was when I was with someone).
I left Levis Commons to head to church to practice with Tim & Katie for some of our upcoming concerts (by the way...Katie's website is up & running if you're interested in looking at it. There's a ton of info...including my bio in the links section. Enjoy!).
The rest of the evening was spent at Dave & Busters in Utica, Michigan. It's kind of like a Chuck E. Cheese for adults (there's a restaurant, pool tables, and a large arcade room). We had a great time, but we are now all ready for bed. I feel like I may be getting a little older! :-)
I left Levis Commons to head to church to practice with Tim & Katie for some of our upcoming concerts (by the way...Katie's website is up & running if you're interested in looking at it. There's a ton of info...including my bio in the links section. Enjoy!).
The rest of the evening was spent at Dave & Busters in Utica, Michigan. It's kind of like a Chuck E. Cheese for adults (there's a restaurant, pool tables, and a large arcade room). We had a great time, but we are now all ready for bed. I feel like I may be getting a little older! :-)
Thursday, July 26, 2007
God at Work
Even though I should be used to it, I continue to be amazed when God works through people to give me just exactly what I need. And...He usually works through people who are unaware of what I need or why I need it! That's what makes it even more special. I really needed a "God sighting" today, and it just came in the form of an e-mail.
Gary, a fried of mine from SoloCon, sent out this verse to some of his friends:
"I have carried you since your birth...I will continue to be with you
and sustain you, even when you have gray hairs.
I will always carry you; I will always sustain you;
I will always rescue you. Keep your mind focused
on Me and I will keep you in perfect peace."
Love,
Your Heavenly Father
Isaiah 46:3-4 & Isaiah 26:3
(Funny side note...I was just praying on the way home from the gym and asked God to heal me from the inside out. I also told him that I needed to be rescued from this situation. Coincidence??? I think not!)
Gary, a fried of mine from SoloCon, sent out this verse to some of his friends:
"I have carried you since your birth...I will continue to be with you
and sustain you, even when you have gray hairs.
I will always carry you; I will always sustain you;
I will always rescue you. Keep your mind focused
on Me and I will keep you in perfect peace."
Love,
Your Heavenly Father
Isaiah 46:3-4 & Isaiah 26:3
(Funny side note...I was just praying on the way home from the gym and asked God to heal me from the inside out. I also told him that I needed to be rescued from this situation. Coincidence??? I think not!)
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
Dealing with the Emotional Side
Matt called to break up with me on Wednesday, June 27, and my life was a whirlwind for the next few days. On top of preparing to head to North Carolina for three weeks, I was also dealing with my initial emotions & reactions as well as preparing for our CD release concert at church that Sunday. I think it was good that I was busy because it kept my mind occupied, and then I was on the road heading down south.
My trip there (as I've already said) couldn't have been timed any better. I really needed time to get away from everything and think things through. I'm very thankful I had that time and have seen some things (even Matt) in a different light. But now...things are different.
While I was in North Carolina, I was able to ignore the phone calls of concerned friends (because I really didn't feel like rehashing things over & over - if your phone call was one I ignored, please understand that I just couldn't deal with it at that point) if I didn't feel like talking, and I was able to separate myself from the situation. Now, however, I'm back in the heart of the situation, and I'm finding it a bit tough to deal with the emotions. I've been a bit blind-sided by all of the memories and people wanting to know how I'm doing. (If you're one who wants to know...I'm doing okay. I really am - especially considering how I was after the whole ordeal with Mike, but I'm still hurting.)
Don't get me wrong...I really appreciate the fact that people are concerned about me and care about me. I also enjoyed the time I had with Matt & the memories we made. But...none of that makes what I'm going through any easier. On top of that, I went from being with mom & dad for three weeks to sitting in my apartment all alone.
I've been trying to stay busy and have done a good job with that during the day, but the nights have been tough. When I should be sleeping, thoughts are flying through my mind. In an effort to get my mind off of him & the current situation, I've browsed the internet for hours...I've munched like never before...I've tried reading books & magazines...the list goes on & on. But...sleep refuses to come. The past two nights it's been after 1:00 a.m., and even though I'm really tired right now, I can't get my mind to stop long enough to fall asleep.
I wish I could get to the point of being okay with being alone again. I know I can get there because I've been there, but it's so hard to accept loneliness when I've had companionship. The feeling of being lonely really stinks!
My trip there (as I've already said) couldn't have been timed any better. I really needed time to get away from everything and think things through. I'm very thankful I had that time and have seen some things (even Matt) in a different light. But now...things are different.
While I was in North Carolina, I was able to ignore the phone calls of concerned friends (because I really didn't feel like rehashing things over & over - if your phone call was one I ignored, please understand that I just couldn't deal with it at that point) if I didn't feel like talking, and I was able to separate myself from the situation. Now, however, I'm back in the heart of the situation, and I'm finding it a bit tough to deal with the emotions. I've been a bit blind-sided by all of the memories and people wanting to know how I'm doing. (If you're one who wants to know...I'm doing okay. I really am - especially considering how I was after the whole ordeal with Mike, but I'm still hurting.)
Don't get me wrong...I really appreciate the fact that people are concerned about me and care about me. I also enjoyed the time I had with Matt & the memories we made. But...none of that makes what I'm going through any easier. On top of that, I went from being with mom & dad for three weeks to sitting in my apartment all alone.
I've been trying to stay busy and have done a good job with that during the day, but the nights have been tough. When I should be sleeping, thoughts are flying through my mind. In an effort to get my mind off of him & the current situation, I've browsed the internet for hours...I've munched like never before...I've tried reading books & magazines...the list goes on & on. But...sleep refuses to come. The past two nights it's been after 1:00 a.m., and even though I'm really tired right now, I can't get my mind to stop long enough to fall asleep.
I wish I could get to the point of being okay with being alone again. I know I can get there because I've been there, but it's so hard to accept loneliness when I've had companionship. The feeling of being lonely really stinks!
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
The Workouts Have Paid Off!
In January, I started watching my points (the Weight Watcher program, but I'm doing it on my own) in an effort to lose some weight. I worked very hard at it and really watched, and as a result, the pounds started coming off. It was very exciting each week to step on the scale & see the results.
In June (June 12th to be exact), I started working out at the gym (Lifestyles for Ladies Only). I have been going to the gym 3-4 days a week for six weeks now. They recommend going 5 days a weeks, but I figure that 3-4 is 3-4 more days than I had been going, and on the days I don't go I usually end up doing something to exercise (take a walk, swim, play golf, etc...). During the past six weeks, I've concentrated more on the exercise than my points so the scale hasn't been changing much (in fact I really haven't been watching it much at all).
Today was the six week point (they told me to weigh in & get measurements every six weeks). After all was said & done, I've lost 9.5 lbs. and 6.5 in. in those six weeks. I was so excited, and that gave me the needed encouragement to keep doing what I'm doing. Elliptical machine...here I come! :-)
In June (June 12th to be exact), I started working out at the gym (Lifestyles for Ladies Only). I have been going to the gym 3-4 days a week for six weeks now. They recommend going 5 days a weeks, but I figure that 3-4 is 3-4 more days than I had been going, and on the days I don't go I usually end up doing something to exercise (take a walk, swim, play golf, etc...). During the past six weeks, I've concentrated more on the exercise than my points so the scale hasn't been changing much (in fact I really haven't been watching it much at all).
Today was the six week point (they told me to weigh in & get measurements every six weeks). After all was said & done, I've lost 9.5 lbs. and 6.5 in. in those six weeks. I was so excited, and that gave me the needed encouragement to keep doing what I'm doing. Elliptical machine...here I come! :-)
Monday, July 23, 2007
Chad's Sermon
For those of you who have been reading & keeping up with my life, you know that the past month has been difficult for me. While I know that God has a plan that's better than anything I could come up with, it's hard to have your future changed so quickly. I went from making wedding plans to being single...again!
Overall...I think I'm doing really well. There are still a few days that pop up when things catch me off guard, but that's going to happen. I was planning on spending the rest of my life with Matt, but one phone call changed all of that. Am I hurt? Yep! Am I sad? Yep! Am I mad? Yep! Get the idea?
I knew that I was supposed to be at church in Sidney today as soon as Pastor Chad started his sermon. It was on forgiveness. A coincidence? I think not! Below are a few of the points I took from him message (I really got a lot out of it, but these points just really made me think):
*Healthy, happy people don't hurt other people. It's against our nature.
*What type of people hurt others? Hurt people hurt people! And...if you don't let go & let God, you'll be a hurt person who'll hurt other people. (This really got me thinking...especially when he talked about Joseph's life, the hurt he encountered, and the way he let God work through the situation!)
*You can't enjoy what God has given you today if you're stuck on what happened in the past.
*Bitter vs. Better...one little letter really changes the meaning. Will you choose to remain in the past & be bitter, or will you allow God to make you better through forgiveness?
The message really got to me! As much as he hurt me, I need to forgive Matt and move on with my life. I want to enjoy what God have given me today & live in the present. I've already lived the past & really don't want to relive it each & every day (been there...done that...don't want to go back).
Overall...I think I'm doing really well. There are still a few days that pop up when things catch me off guard, but that's going to happen. I was planning on spending the rest of my life with Matt, but one phone call changed all of that. Am I hurt? Yep! Am I sad? Yep! Am I mad? Yep! Get the idea?
I knew that I was supposed to be at church in Sidney today as soon as Pastor Chad started his sermon. It was on forgiveness. A coincidence? I think not! Below are a few of the points I took from him message (I really got a lot out of it, but these points just really made me think):
*Healthy, happy people don't hurt other people. It's against our nature.
*What type of people hurt others? Hurt people hurt people! And...if you don't let go & let God, you'll be a hurt person who'll hurt other people. (This really got me thinking...especially when he talked about Joseph's life, the hurt he encountered, and the way he let God work through the situation!)
*You can't enjoy what God has given you today if you're stuck on what happened in the past.
*Bitter vs. Better...one little letter really changes the meaning. Will you choose to remain in the past & be bitter, or will you allow God to make you better through forgiveness?
The message really got to me! As much as he hurt me, I need to forgive Matt and move on with my life. I want to enjoy what God have given me today & live in the present. I've already lived the past & really don't want to relive it each & every day (been there...done that...don't want to go back).
Hangin' with the Sidney "Gang"
On the way home Friday, I drove over to Sidney to visit my friends there. I attended church there the four years I taught at Jackson Center and developed some great friendships. It had been a long time since I'd been down to visit so it was great to see everyone.
Friday night I went to Val & Shawn's house & spent the night with them. Val & I were able to talk & laugh (I think there may have been more laughing than talking at times...I forgot how much I enjoy Val's faces. As much as I try to envision them while we talk on the phone, they are oh so much better in person!). :-) On Saturday, Shawn, Devan & I went golfing with Don, and Saturday night found us at a bonfire at Val & Shawn's. There were a lot of friends there, and the best part...the traditional O'Connell kickball game. You've missed out if you've never taken part in one! It was a blast!
After the bonfire, I went to Don & Sharon's house to spend the night with them. Today found us at church (it was funny because a lot of people didn't recognize me. Of course, it was also an ego boost because they kept talking about all the weight I've lost & how hot I look. I think I need to go to Sidney more often...or maybe I need to go less often so they're always so happy to see me?). It was great to see all of my friends from church & to catch up with them. After church & a quick bite to eat, Don, Sharon & I went out on the boat with Shawn & the kids (Devan & Briauna). It was a great way to end a fun weekend, and the weather was beautiful! Sorry you couldn't come with us, Val!
Now...I'm home from my 3 weeks of traveling. There's a ton of mail to go through, but it'll happen later. I'm still kind of in "vacation" mode.
Friday night I went to Val & Shawn's house & spent the night with them. Val & I were able to talk & laugh (I think there may have been more laughing than talking at times...I forgot how much I enjoy Val's faces. As much as I try to envision them while we talk on the phone, they are oh so much better in person!). :-) On Saturday, Shawn, Devan & I went golfing with Don, and Saturday night found us at a bonfire at Val & Shawn's. There were a lot of friends there, and the best part...the traditional O'Connell kickball game. You've missed out if you've never taken part in one! It was a blast!
After the bonfire, I went to Don & Sharon's house to spend the night with them. Today found us at church (it was funny because a lot of people didn't recognize me. Of course, it was also an ego boost because they kept talking about all the weight I've lost & how hot I look. I think I need to go to Sidney more often...or maybe I need to go less often so they're always so happy to see me?). It was great to see all of my friends from church & to catch up with them. After church & a quick bite to eat, Don, Sharon & I went out on the boat with Shawn & the kids (Devan & Briauna). It was a great way to end a fun weekend, and the weather was beautiful! Sorry you couldn't come with us, Val!
Now...I'm home from my 3 weeks of traveling. There's a ton of mail to go through, but it'll happen later. I'm still kind of in "vacation" mode.
Final Week With Mom & Dad
I did end up going to Marsha's last Saturday to help her while she packed for their trip to Ohio. I was able to play with Harrison & love on Abigail. It was great!
The rest of the week went fairly quick. Of course, that's how it always goes, isn't it? You're going along & all of a sudden Thursday night's here, and you all realize it's your last night together for quite a while! Funny story...dad took mom & I out to supper Thursday night since it was my last night there. As we were leaving the restaurant, he told me he'd buy supper again on Friday if I'd stay. Isn't he sweet? :-) Mom told me that the next time I come down I should tell him I'm leaving a week earlier than I really am so I can take him up on his offer for an entire week of suppers out. Isn't she smart? :-)
All kidding aside, it was so good to see everyone & to be able to spend such a long time down there. The distance (and busyness) keeps us apart for such a long time that I'm always appreciative of time we get to spend together. It was also nice to be able to get away from my life here for a bit & just relax. I really needed that!
The rest of the week went fairly quick. Of course, that's how it always goes, isn't it? You're going along & all of a sudden Thursday night's here, and you all realize it's your last night together for quite a while! Funny story...dad took mom & I out to supper Thursday night since it was my last night there. As we were leaving the restaurant, he told me he'd buy supper again on Friday if I'd stay. Isn't he sweet? :-) Mom told me that the next time I come down I should tell him I'm leaving a week earlier than I really am so I can take him up on his offer for an entire week of suppers out. Isn't she smart? :-)
All kidding aside, it was so good to see everyone & to be able to spend such a long time down there. The distance (and busyness) keeps us apart for such a long time that I'm always appreciative of time we get to spend together. It was also nice to be able to get away from my life here for a bit & just relax. I really needed that!
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
New Thought
Today I was thinking about Matt's last comment (mentioned in "A Strange Answer"). He said he loved me but didn't know if he loved me enough to spend the rest of his life with me.
My new thought? I think the person God has chosen for me will love me so much that he will want to spend the rest of his life with me! I like that thought!
Now...I just need to meet him! :-)
My new thought? I think the person God has chosen for me will love me so much that he will want to spend the rest of his life with me! I like that thought!
Now...I just need to meet him! :-)
Friday, July 13, 2007
My Week in Review
As you know, last week found me spending a lot of time in the car. Fortunately that has not been the case the rest of this week. I've been getting up each morning & going to the YMCA to work out. I've been spending between 1 1/2 to 2 hours there each morning (I do 35 mins. of cardio on the bike or elliptical machine, life weights, and finish with a 15-25 min. cardio cool down). The rest of the time has been very relaxing. I've done some shopping and have cooked supper for mom, dad & myself, but other than that...I've just been relaxing & enjoying life.
Tomorrow Marsha would like me to drive to her place to watch Abigail while she packs (they are going to Ohio for a week so everyone can see Abigail). Although it will require me to spend yet another 3 hrs. in the car, I'm looking forward to loving on my little Abra Cadabra and spending some time with Harrison. It'll be the last time I see them before Thanksgiving (which is such a long way away!).
I'll write more later when there's more to tell! :-)
Tomorrow Marsha would like me to drive to her place to watch Abigail while she packs (they are going to Ohio for a week so everyone can see Abigail). Although it will require me to spend yet another 3 hrs. in the car, I'm looking forward to loving on my little Abra Cadabra and spending some time with Harrison. It'll be the last time I see them before Thanksgiving (which is such a long way away!).
I'll write more later when there's more to tell! :-)
A Strange Answer...
Yesterday a friend from church & I talked. She mentioned that she'd been at Levis Commons & saw Matt. Playing dumb (because she knew Matt had called me to break up), she asked him if we were still dating. He told her that it hadn't worked out. She told him that made her sad, and he replied that it made him sad as well (1st strange answer, but a better one is coming).
They continued talking, and (here comes the 2nd strange answer) he told her that he loved me with all of his heart but didn't know if he loved me enough to spend the rest of his life with me. Go figure!
So...here's my thoughts...he loved me enough to talk to me about getting married, planning a wedding, & children, but he didn't love me enough to back it up. Makes no sense to me!
They continued talking, and (here comes the 2nd strange answer) he told her that he loved me with all of his heart but didn't know if he loved me enough to spend the rest of his life with me. Go figure!
So...here's my thoughts...he loved me enough to talk to me about getting married, planning a wedding, & children, but he didn't love me enough to back it up. Makes no sense to me!
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
Realization
Today, as I was taking a shower & thinking about life, something dawned on me that I found to be interesting. For those of you who have known me for a long time or who know me well, you know about Mike. If you don't know about Mike, this may not make as much sense, but you'll just have to make do.
Mike & I dated for a little over four months. During that time, I began to fall in love with him, and he started to talk about future plans with me. He would take me to open houses to look at things we'd like in "our dream house", and we would do internet research to see possible places where we would like to live. I really thought this was going to be the man I married, and if you would have asked me, I would have told you I was totally in love with him. When he told me good-bye, I was devastated! I have never had a broken heart like I experienced at that point. It took me a very long time to get over Mike (in fact as I began dating Matt, I realized there are still some fears & old hurts I needed to get over still).
Now fast-forward six years. During those six years, my social life has been pretty uneventful. Why? I'm not totally sure, but part of the reason is that I've been afraid of getting hurt. I've made a lot of male friends, but I've always been sure to keep a safe distance...friendships are much safer than relationships. However this all changed during the past six months.
If you've been reading my blog, you know that I had an eventful first few months this year. It was kind of overwhelming at times, but it was also fun because it was so different from what I was used to. The conclusion to those months found me meeting Matt.
Matt & I dated for three months, and I was swept off of my feet. Things seemed to go so well from the beginning, and within two weeks Matt had already begun talking to me about the future. As strange as it may sound, it didn't scare me...at least for the most part. I opened up to him about Mike, and I asked him to be careful with my heart. I told him that I couldn't go through that again...I didn't think I was strong enough...I asked him to not say things if he didn't really mean them. He stopped briefly (he said he wanted to be sure), but after this he told me he loved me and asked me if I would consider marrying him. I couldn't believe the feelings I had for him...they didn't even compare to my feelings for Mike. He asked if I'd be okay with us getting engaged at the end of July or beginning of August. I was so excited as we began to make plans for our wedding. He even had us pick out our wedding party, and we discussed the number of children we wanted to have (we even started working on names). On June 27th, this all came crashing down around me when Matt called me (yes...he did it over the phone) to tell me things weren't going to work out between us.
To this day, I don't know exactly what happened to change his mind, but I've discovered a new side of him I didn't totally know existed. I know, without a shadow of a doubt that God was watching out for me. So...to get to my realization (sorry this is taking so long).
I realized today that I went through the exact same thing I had with Mike, but this time is was even on a grander scale. And...I've survived! I was strong enough to get through this, and I'm going to be okay! There are still times I find myself missing him...or maybe I just miss that idea of him...someone to love, someone to hold me in his arms, someone to plan a future with...even the thought of spending my life with someone (because it was becoming a reality for me). I struggle with those things, but it's been good for me to be in North Carolina...time away to gain some perspective.
On the day Matt called me, my mom said that if Matt wasn't the person God had chosen for me to spend my life with...just think of how special that person will be & how much I'll love him!
I don't know why I've had to go through not one but two heartbreaks. I don't know why I've been allowed to start planning for a wedding that now isn't going to take place (and I'm already sick of the phone calls & e-mail messages that are just a constant reminder of that fact). But...I know that God loves me, and He has something very special in store for me! As impatient as I can be, I'm going to have to wait, but I know His plan will be so much better than anything I could do on my own (and hey...look on the bright side...there's not as much wedding planning/purchasing to do when it finally happens)! :-)
Mike & I dated for a little over four months. During that time, I began to fall in love with him, and he started to talk about future plans with me. He would take me to open houses to look at things we'd like in "our dream house", and we would do internet research to see possible places where we would like to live. I really thought this was going to be the man I married, and if you would have asked me, I would have told you I was totally in love with him. When he told me good-bye, I was devastated! I have never had a broken heart like I experienced at that point. It took me a very long time to get over Mike (in fact as I began dating Matt, I realized there are still some fears & old hurts I needed to get over still).
Now fast-forward six years. During those six years, my social life has been pretty uneventful. Why? I'm not totally sure, but part of the reason is that I've been afraid of getting hurt. I've made a lot of male friends, but I've always been sure to keep a safe distance...friendships are much safer than relationships. However this all changed during the past six months.
If you've been reading my blog, you know that I had an eventful first few months this year. It was kind of overwhelming at times, but it was also fun because it was so different from what I was used to. The conclusion to those months found me meeting Matt.
Matt & I dated for three months, and I was swept off of my feet. Things seemed to go so well from the beginning, and within two weeks Matt had already begun talking to me about the future. As strange as it may sound, it didn't scare me...at least for the most part. I opened up to him about Mike, and I asked him to be careful with my heart. I told him that I couldn't go through that again...I didn't think I was strong enough...I asked him to not say things if he didn't really mean them. He stopped briefly (he said he wanted to be sure), but after this he told me he loved me and asked me if I would consider marrying him. I couldn't believe the feelings I had for him...they didn't even compare to my feelings for Mike. He asked if I'd be okay with us getting engaged at the end of July or beginning of August. I was so excited as we began to make plans for our wedding. He even had us pick out our wedding party, and we discussed the number of children we wanted to have (we even started working on names). On June 27th, this all came crashing down around me when Matt called me (yes...he did it over the phone) to tell me things weren't going to work out between us.
To this day, I don't know exactly what happened to change his mind, but I've discovered a new side of him I didn't totally know existed. I know, without a shadow of a doubt that God was watching out for me. So...to get to my realization (sorry this is taking so long).
I realized today that I went through the exact same thing I had with Mike, but this time is was even on a grander scale. And...I've survived! I was strong enough to get through this, and I'm going to be okay! There are still times I find myself missing him...or maybe I just miss that idea of him...someone to love, someone to hold me in his arms, someone to plan a future with...even the thought of spending my life with someone (because it was becoming a reality for me). I struggle with those things, but it's been good for me to be in North Carolina...time away to gain some perspective.
On the day Matt called me, my mom said that if Matt wasn't the person God had chosen for me to spend my life with...just think of how special that person will be & how much I'll love him!
I don't know why I've had to go through not one but two heartbreaks. I don't know why I've been allowed to start planning for a wedding that now isn't going to take place (and I'm already sick of the phone calls & e-mail messages that are just a constant reminder of that fact). But...I know that God loves me, and He has something very special in store for me! As impatient as I can be, I'm going to have to wait, but I know His plan will be so much better than anything I could do on my own (and hey...look on the bright side...there's not as much wedding planning/purchasing to do when it finally happens)! :-)
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
Prayers for Abigail
Without going into a lot of detail, I would just like to ask for your prayers for my niece, Abigail (who is 2 weeks old). Please pray for Marsha, Jerry, Harrison, & my family as well. The pediatrician called & asked Marsha & Jerry to come to his office yesterday. There is a neurological condition that he wants to have Abigail tested for. The marks on her eye & forehead are symptoms of this condition so they just want to be on the safe side. She went to a neuro-opthomologist today for the first test, and everything came back fine. In fact, he's done work in neurology & feels that everything is fine with Abigail, but they are going to go ahead with the rest of the testing just to be safe.
She'll be having a CT scan on Friday and will be going to a pediatric neurologist at the end of the month. We would appreciate your prayers on her behalf!
She'll be having a CT scan on Friday and will be going to a pediatric neurologist at the end of the month. We would appreciate your prayers on her behalf!
Monday, July 9, 2007
The Week in Review
Wow...it seems hard to believe a week has already passed, but I just looked & noticed I've not blogged since last Monday. So...here's what I've been up to:
Monday...I had drove part way to mom & dad's on Sunday so I woke up and finished the trip. It was soooo good to see mom & dad when they got home from work!
Tuesday...I went grocery shopping for mom (it ended up being a 3+ hour trip & found me shopping at three different stores - but I went to Bi-Lo two different times). :-) That night mom & I started preparing for the cookout on the 4th.
Wednesday...mom & dad's neighborhood had a hog roast in the cul-de-sac in front of mom & dad's house. We all hung out during the afternoon & evening. The hog turned out really well (way to go, Tim), and the rest of the food was delicious as well. The best part of the day was that Marsha & her family came. I got to see Harrison (he ran to me & jumped into my arms...we stayed like that for several minutes), and I also got to see my new niece, Abigail, for the first time! She is so precious!
Thursday...Harrison spent the night (he's staying through Sunday) so we had all day to hang out together. We went to CiCi's Pizza for lunch and then spent the afternoon at the YMCA swimming.
Friday...Harrison & I drove to Goose Creek, South Carolina to pick up Maurine (my youngest sister) and bring her home for the weekend. The drive went well, but it was so good to see her & get her home with us.
Saturday...Dad, Harrison & I went back to the YMCA to swim some more, and then we all just relaxed for the rest of the day. It was a beautiful day so we spent quite a bit of time outside.
Sunday...I sang for the first time at mom & dad's church. It went well, and they were all very nice to me. Marsha, Jerry & Abigail met us at church & then came to mom & dad's for lunch. After lunch was over, we got ready to take Maurine back to Goose Creek.
Today...Dad had a business meeting in Norcross, Georgia (15 miles north or Atlanta) so I rode along with him. While he was in his meeting, I listened to my mp3 player & read a book. Now we are just hanging out at home.
So...during the past week...I drove for over 5 hours on Sunday, drove for over 4 hours on Monday, traveled from store to store on Tuesday, drove for over 6 hours on Friday, road/drove for over 6 hours on Sunday, and road for over 8 hours today. Do you think I've spent enough time in a car this past week? :-)
If I don't post for a bit, know that I'm haning out with my family in North Carolina. I'll be sure to update you as I have time. Hope you are all doing well!
Monday...I had drove part way to mom & dad's on Sunday so I woke up and finished the trip. It was soooo good to see mom & dad when they got home from work!
Tuesday...I went grocery shopping for mom (it ended up being a 3+ hour trip & found me shopping at three different stores - but I went to Bi-Lo two different times). :-) That night mom & I started preparing for the cookout on the 4th.
Wednesday...mom & dad's neighborhood had a hog roast in the cul-de-sac in front of mom & dad's house. We all hung out during the afternoon & evening. The hog turned out really well (way to go, Tim), and the rest of the food was delicious as well. The best part of the day was that Marsha & her family came. I got to see Harrison (he ran to me & jumped into my arms...we stayed like that for several minutes), and I also got to see my new niece, Abigail, for the first time! She is so precious!
Thursday...Harrison spent the night (he's staying through Sunday) so we had all day to hang out together. We went to CiCi's Pizza for lunch and then spent the afternoon at the YMCA swimming.
Friday...Harrison & I drove to Goose Creek, South Carolina to pick up Maurine (my youngest sister) and bring her home for the weekend. The drive went well, but it was so good to see her & get her home with us.
Saturday...Dad, Harrison & I went back to the YMCA to swim some more, and then we all just relaxed for the rest of the day. It was a beautiful day so we spent quite a bit of time outside.
Sunday...I sang for the first time at mom & dad's church. It went well, and they were all very nice to me. Marsha, Jerry & Abigail met us at church & then came to mom & dad's for lunch. After lunch was over, we got ready to take Maurine back to Goose Creek.
Today...Dad had a business meeting in Norcross, Georgia (15 miles north or Atlanta) so I rode along with him. While he was in his meeting, I listened to my mp3 player & read a book. Now we are just hanging out at home.
So...during the past week...I drove for over 5 hours on Sunday, drove for over 4 hours on Monday, traveled from store to store on Tuesday, drove for over 6 hours on Friday, road/drove for over 6 hours on Sunday, and road for over 8 hours today. Do you think I've spent enough time in a car this past week? :-)
If I don't post for a bit, know that I'm haning out with my family in North Carolina. I'll be sure to update you as I have time. Hope you are all doing well!
Monday, July 2, 2007
Our CD Realease Concert
Yesterday was a big day, and it was so much fun! We (Katie, Tim, & myself) had our release concert at church. We were the entire service, and it went really well! This has been such a great opportunity for me, and I feel so lucky to be a part of this.
If you are interested in hearing some of Katie's CD, you can go to www.digstation.com. In the search window on the left side, type in Katie Jordan. The first link that comes up with take you to her CD. Once there, you can listen to samples of each song, download individual songs, or download the entire album. FYI...I sang the backup vocals on #1, 7 & 13 for the CD. :-)
If you are interested in hearing some of Katie's CD, you can go to www.digstation.com. In the search window on the left side, type in Katie Jordan. The first link that comes up with take you to her CD. Once there, you can listen to samples of each song, download individual songs, or download the entire album. FYI...I sang the backup vocals on #1, 7 & 13 for the CD. :-)
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